This won’t be abused at all

Besides testing out a version of football that doesn’t allow the use of hands, the 2010 World Cup is also an experiment for a new anti-rape condom.

Rape-aXe is the brainchild of South African Dr. Sonnet Ehlers. It is a latex condom worn inside the vagina that is lined with “teeth-like hooks” that latch onto a rapist’s penis. Any attempts to remove the device by hand will cause it to constrict tighter, but will not break the skin.

Rape may never be funny, but the prank potential of anti-rape devices is hilarious. Like, say you find somebody’s Fleshlight or Real Doll.

Real doll, “real crime”, real smooth, guys

Japanese police launched a full-scale murder investigation after the gruesome discovery of body bound, gagged and wrapped in plastic … that was actually just a life-size sex doll. Oopsies. It’s so easy to mistake soft plastic with flesh, after all.

Hey, CBS, you interested in CSI: Tokyo? You could really revolutionize the forensics investigators show genre by making an actual comedy. Well, one that doesn’t involve David Caruso, that is.