Al and Tipper Gore are calling it quits, surprising everyone only two weeks after their fortieth anniversary. While some can’t believe it happened so late in their marriage, most are amazed that they divorced before the Clintons.
In any case, the world has gained a single Al Gore, and–although we rarely get involved–we just can’t help but root the guy on.
So, if you’re single, too, and your sex life could use a human robot, have you considered Al Gore? Here’s what Al brings to the boudoir:
- Handmade anniversary gift certificates for back rubs and carbon emissions.
- Flights on his personal jet to any environmentally-endangered corner of the globe.
- The dirtiest cybersex in the kinkiest chat room on the Internet that he invented.
- Willingness to call “recounts” until sex ends in his favor.
- Leonardo DiCaprio.
The Guys have followed a lot of elections since way back in 2007. In that time, we’ve covered the emergence of new political tools like robocalls and observing foreign countries from your backyard. But, there’s one that has gained more popularity than any other: refusing to accept the results.
Recounts, which entered the modern campaign vocabulary in the 2000 presidential race have gone on to hold up the increasingly smaller results of senate, representative and now mayoral races.
One of either two things needs to happen:
- The American people need to start voting for popular people in hasty, landslide elections like in the good old days of prom season, or
- Politicians need to concede when they’ve lost and start planning for the next race.
All we’re saying is that election workers hate sitting in warehouses all day. If you think another count is going to magically reverse the results and curry their favor, then you probably also eat more spit than your average McDonald’s gourmand.