In an uncertain world, we rely on the few certain things in our lives or–more importantly–the lives of others to make everything make sense. It’s what wakes us up in the morning, ready to face whatever uncertainties the world will throw at us.
There, that should be enough Schadenfreude to get you to five o’clock. It’s the taste you know you love, especially after pouring it in Jesse James’ rehabed lap.
Mm, Schadenfreude: make it every morning’s shameful joy.
I’ll lay this one out for you from the get go. I don’t like college football. It’s boring. I’m sorry, but watching spoiled D- students get full rides to prestigious universities while displaying three and a half hours of shotgun offense just doesn’t do it for me. And for the talking heads that say the kids play for the love of the game, no, they are playing for the under the table $$$ and their first NFL contract. These kids are playing for money just as much as the pros, the pros just look better doing it. Continue reading Eat My Sports: OSU, BCS, EMS (Eat My Sports)
Officially past the quarter mark of the 2008 MLB season and we’ve had some surprises, some things we’ve expected and the last place Yankees. We’re going to size up the top teams in each league, then give you the one team to look out for. Us in the sporting world call this the “wild card,” look it up.
At 31-20 the newly christened Tampa Bay Rays have the best percentage mark thus far. I really like the Rays, their young talent is spry and standing tall like a seasoned porn vet. The longevity of this club to sustain season-long success isn’t going to hold though. It’s going flop like Ron Jeremy staring down a donkey. Don’t expect the Yankees to finish in the cellar, but don’t expect them to beat out Boston or Tampa either. The Rays’ pitching will falter down the stretch, and look for the Sox to take the crown, but the Rays in the wild card. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Quarterly calls
Baseball season is finally upon us. We know it, our
former enemies friends in Japan know it and obviously so do the animals. Seeing an opportunity to strike at loyal Boston Red Sox fans, a red-tailed hawk made a nest at the majestic Fenway Park, a baseball Mecca.
The hawk waited for its opportunity, and was noticed by ballpark staff. The bird was scheduled to be dealt with when it attacked a girl taking a tour of the park with her middle school class, cutting her head above her eye. Not surprisingly, the nest was located just above the press box, most likely waiting for the off chance to silence The Guys.
The story has a somewhat happy ending. The hawk flew off and is reported to be still at large after the nest, and an egg, were removed. New item on the Fenway menu: omelettes.
UPDATE: Sports Illustrated has a picture of the attack.
In unhappier news, sea lions in California had been given a death sentence (and rightly so!) by the state government, then the
inHumane Society came in and made them stop. The stay of execution will last until something is worked out by the group and state and federal agencies. This blog will never waver from its “kill the bastards” stance.
In a case of lose-lose, while the sea lions could meet their end, or even be moved, they are being moved to that salmon can make it ustream to spawn. We can handle the salmon, though.
With last week’s putrid display of green jerseys from teams that have absolutely no Irish background (New York Knicks and Chicago Bulls to name a few), it’s time to analyze the top five worst jerseys of all-time. These were wardrobe malfunctions that teams actually agreed on. Basically its the sports equivalent of Roseanne Barr wearing that taped on J-Lo dress everyone got so hyped up about (Is that a dated reference now? Am I getting old?). Continue reading Eat My Sports: Jersey watch