Redtape their blowholes shut!

The U.S. government does not typically have much in common with Lifetime War on Animals Achievement winner Japan. This blog believes we told them to “go tentacle rape themselves” when they presented their Kyoto Clean Air Agreement.

However, we have adopted one of their better habits: allowing whales to die.

Because of “confusion” between several government agencies, our government is unable to prevent the “accidental” killings of right whales*, which now number in the 300s. Whoopsies!

*Fun Fact:
The right whale got it’s name from whalers(!) because “their mellow personalities, shallow feeding habits and lumbering, 70-ton bodies made them the easiest, or the right, whales to kill.” Now that’s how you name a species!

We completely understand, feds. Keeping “boaters” and “fishers” from “accidentally” killing whales is very difficult to manage. It’s a tragedy, but what can we do about it?

What do you call a Polish zombie?

Poland, better known as Europe’s playground, is probably second most common butt of jokes in Europe (second only to France) but that doesn’t mean the zombies don’t take it seriously.

A man in Poland drowned in August, according to the Polish government. But now he is struggling to get the Polish government to recognize he is back from the dead. Thanks to red tape, the man cannot be a zombie until he has the government’s approval. At least their government is doing something about the threat of the undead.