Tag: regulation

‘Abortion Showdown’ this Friday!

Friday! FRIDAY! FRIDAY!

The federal court in Kansas City presents Abortion Showdown! Two clinics, one state, new regulations! For the first time in an American court, two abortion clinics will combine forces in a handicap match against one state: Missouri.

This match will determine the viability of recently passed abortion licensing regulations by the Rules and Regulations Board. Will the state’s political vengeance stand, or will the latest measures be … aborted?!

You do not want to miss this event! BE THERE!

WE DON’T SEE THE PROBLEM OURSELVES

ARE YOU TIRED OF HAVING TO FIDDLE WITH THE VOLUME ON A TELEVISION EVERY TWENTY MINUTES OUT OF SIXTY? DO YOU FIND YOURSELF CONSTANTLY BEING TIRED OF THE LOUDER THAN NORMAL TELEVISION ADS AND COMMERCIALS, ESPECIALLY ONES OF THE LOCAL VARIETY? JUST WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THEM?

WELL BUDDY, CONGRESS UNDERSTANDS YOUR PAIN AND WOULD LIKE TO HELP YOU OUT.

Take it from Paul: That’s not what I meant

Note from Snee: Normally, you would find the ranting of a handsome man in this space. However, I’ve been offered the deal of a lifetime this week: selling my space this week to a Congressional candidate and taking the day off. See you next week, suckers!

Hi, I’m Rand Paul.

Some of you might know me because of my father, always-a-Senator-and-never-a-President Ron Paul. Others of you might know me from my practice as an ophthalmologist. (Whew! Thanks, Spell-Check!) And some of you might have already voted for me in the Republican primary and look forward to voting for me in the Kentucky general election.

Thank you for your support so far, but I’m not writing to you today.

Under the advisement of my new campaign manager, the talented and non-classically-attractive Rick Snee, I am writing in this SeriouslyGuys space to express some SeriouslyOpinions. (He assured me that his millions of readers would find this hilarious.) Continue reading Take it from Paul: That’s not what I meant

They’re all just the right size now

While it can be debated for years on end why our country went to war, just keep in mind-at least we’re not arguing about food. Specifically, the shape of food.

Yes, in ol’ Blighty, the government has spent its time arguing about the shape of food. Not the condition of the food. Not the amount of food. Not even the color of food. No, for year, people have gotten out of shape (*rimshot*) over whether a banana was too bendy. Yes, you read that right. Too bendy.

Well, remorse no more, losers of the colonies! Yes, food that you would expect to be grown in either Chernobyl or on the moon (by Mooninites, mind you) can now find its way back into the markets run by Oliver Twist-esque street youths. Huzzah!

Sadly, there are two items that are still not on the list of foods: minstrels and hobos. Well, we’ll give them time…