Republican field gains further quantity

Remember a while back when we brought you the poll results indicating that President Obama can only be defeated in 2012 by “Generic Republican Candidate,” all named candidates falling short?

We have found that candidate, right after he stepped out of his time machine from the 19th Century: Rep. Thaddeus McCotter, R-Mich.

T-had’s only possible obstacle is the values voters, who may suspect him of being a Harry Potter character.

Must’ve been all that sexy abstinence talk

When family values Rep. Mark Souder (R-Ind.) announced he would resign his congressional seat after his affair with a female staffer, we were surprised. No, not because it was with a woman. We were surprised because we assumed that Souder had no genitals.

But that’s not important right now.

What is important is that the staffer in question, Tracy Jackson, also resigned. Jackson’s job was to produce videos for Souder on the topics of family values–including marital fidelity–and abstinence until marriage.

The Guys wish Ms. Jackson all the best on the next phase of her career where she trains babysitters until she’s caught molesting a baby.


Look, Japan ain’t perfect. Far from it.

However, there is still a line of propriety, though, and a certain New Hampshire politician’s Facebook status update certainly skirted it.

Representative Nick Levasseur went and noted the following on Facebook:

“Anime is a prime example of why two nukes just wasn’t enough”

This was not a good thing to do on the internet. RIGHTEOUS AND INDIGNANT FURY was (apparently) felt by many and then utilized throughout the numerous series of pipes and tubes that you’re reading this on. Now, does he have a point? Maybe. Possibly. We’re not really sure here at SG HQ, as we tend to lean more towards gaseous weapons rather than those of the nuclear variety (chili + Schools = one less third world country). But there’s a good chance that he possibly should have worded his phrase differently.

It begs the question, though: just how many more nukes would change anime to Levasseur’s liking?

Stupak is as Stupak does

Just when Democrats are showing signs of finally working around obstructionist Republicans over health care reform, Democrats are tripping over their own shoes again. Rep. Bart Stupak, D-Mich., wants the reform bill to ban all funding for abortion–including by private insurers–or he and 11 other reps won’t vote for it.

Abortion, a legal medical procedure, isn’t popular. We’re with Supak: we don’t like it. Let’s force people to pay for it out of their own pockets.

But that’s not the only procedure we have a problem with. We’d also like to see stringent language ban funding for:

  • Gynecology: In a way, isn’t it just gloved finger-rape of our wives and girlfriends?
  • Chemotherapy: Bald, sickly people give us the heebie-jeebies.
  • All Cancer Treatment in General: Almost all cancers are lifestyle-induced. How can we know if someone didn’t get cancer from smoking or kicking puppies?

As you can see, we are very morally opposed to these treatments. We’re so opposed, in fact, that rather than introduce a bill to make them illegal, we’d rather just charge the people who get them.

Representing the angry folks

"And keep your healthcare reform off my lawn!"With a single shout, U.S. Representative Joe Wilson (R-South Carolina) has become the face of what happens when a political party gets too comfortable shouting at passing cars.

Wilson could not contain himself during President Barack Obama’s speech about healthcare reform on Wednesday.

He shouted, “You lie!” after Obama promised the proposed bill would not provide health care to illegal immigrants.

Wilson stated that he “let [his] emotions get the better of [him]” because he disagrees with the President. However, several colleagues have attested that the phrase “illegal immigrant” is his rage trigger, no matter the context.

“Joe once shouted ‘Hot salami tuna roll!’ at me after I joked that E.T. was an illegal alien,” said Senator John McCain (R-Ariz.). “I thought he just really loved that little brown guy.”