The phase-in of emojis is one of the fastest growing phenomenons in online communication … but not fast enough to avoid offending Texans. While the state flag of Texas is not a standard emoji, the national flag of Chile is. And confusion by some people using the Chilean flag to tweet about Texas has struck deep in the heart of one of their state legislators.
State Representative Tom Oliverson filed a non-punitive resolution for his fellow lawmakers to “to reject the notion that the Chilean flag, although it is a nice flag, can in any way compare to or be substituted for the official state flag of Texas and urge all Texans not to use the Republic of Chile flag emoji in digital forums when referring to the Lone Star Flag of the great State of Texas.”
Well, look at that. He expressed a grievance in order to educate in a fun way and even added that the Chilean flag “is a nice flag.”
Of course, it would be an awful shame if Chile asked Texas to stop referring to their meat and bean slurry as “chili” — an easy confusion. But, we’d consider that the price of using legislative hours for pedantry, even fun pedantry.
Anyone who read Calvin and Hobbes as much as I did already knows where this is going.
Resolutions are stupid because, even if you accomplish them, the world has not changed for the better. Unless your resolution was to fix the Middle East or invent virtual porn for sex offenders—that could help.
Unlike Calvin, it’s not that I necessarily believe that the rest of the world needs to shape up to accommodate me. Some of these are also improvements that I must make along with the rest of our beloved unwashed readers. See? I wouldn’t ask you to do anything I wouldn’t. Just like the carnie with three fingers said, “Shut up and get on the ride, you pussy.”
With that said, read on to find out what I’ve resolved for you, you pussy. (It’s not derogatory if I quote someone I just made up.) Continue reading →
Georgia’s legislature has proposed a resolution to “move the Tennessee-Georgia boundary about a mile to the north of where it now lies,” placing it exactly at the 35th parallel. The shift would give them access to the Nickajack Reservoir on the Tennessee River to help alleviate Georgia’s water woes.
Tennessee residents of the proposed Rhineland are opposed to the measure and have already drafted unofficial responses:
“One state senator offered to settle the issue with a football game. Another suggested floating an armada of University of Tennessee fans down the Tennessee River to defend the state’s territory.”
Could the 35th parallel become the equivalent of the 38th parallel between North and South Korea? We smell a new Ken Burns special! Stay tuned to this blog for updates as we cover, “South and South: Civil War II?”