SG images explained

As you may have noticed, we have a few different styles of images on this stately site of ours. Confused? Don’t be. We’re here to explain.

First off, there’s me (Bryan McBournie). I tend to go with images with a basic, white on black caption. Do they sort of look like the Oasis logo? Well, yeah. Whatever.

Then, you’ve got Chris “Chugs” Taylor, whose images are fairly direct, in that they don’t have any jokes that jump out at you, but if you hover over them, that’s when the joke pops up. Chugs makes you work for it. He’s not a cheap date.

And then there’s Rick Snee. He’s got the hover over jokes on most of his images, but he also does a sort of lolcat-esque effect with the text in his images.

This makes perfect sense, because when he’s not posting on SG, he’s making lolRicks.

Was Rick Snee right again?

Last Wednesday, columnist Rick Snee gave it to you about the pronunciation of “2010” (again). And while he routinely projects volleys of predictions in these pieces, hoping one of them may stick, it appears he’s on the cusp of being right.

On the topic of future wars in the “Twenty-Ten” chain of events, he said the following:

“But, the Future War could be with anyone or anything. Imagine fighting aliens! Or time travellers! Or maybe even Communazis! Could the British want revenge for losing Samoa in 1900?! We can only hope!

Not one week later, the Yemeni government said that Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the Nigerian charged with attempted unChristmaslike crotch behavior on a plane bound for Detroit, was “radicalised and recruited by al-Qaeda while a student in London.”

London. As in London, England. That’s where British people come from.

It appears that the U.K. is harboring terrorists. Sounds like invadin’ time to us!

We can’t recommend joining the club

Have you seen the stewardesses on flights lately? Night flights and sleep masks have never been a better pair of ideas.

You know who else shares that opinion? Richard Branson, owner of Virgin Atlantic Airways. But that’s probably more because the idea has begun to be forced upon him. Of course, you’d have the idea forced upon you too if you lost a bet.

Richard Branson and Tony Fernandes, owner of AirAsia, have recently decided to host F1 racing teams, and in the spirit of competition and being gajillionaires, the two have decided that whoever’s team finishes worst than the other, the owner will work as a stewardess (not a steward, mind you) on the winner’s airline.

We can’t wholeheartedly recommend following suit by taking part in a bet like Branson did, mainly due to we just don’t look that good at all in a dress (though Rick Snee does look absolutely fabulous in a shiny pair of pumps).

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Teeth’

While at our highly important beer conference this past weekend, conversation struck up between myself and fellow guy Rick Snee. While talking of Japanese culture (seriously? tentacles?) and other absurd oxymorons in society, we eventually made our way to the concept of genitalia. We remarked to each other about the oddness that Japan will have a woman copulate with a [editor’s note: you don’t want to know] on camera, but you better blur those naughty bits … or else.

Wait, huh? What are they, scared of the hoo-hoo?

That’s when we realized what they’re clearly scared of: the age old concept of vagina dentata. I mean, when you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Fear the va-jay-jay. If we blur and mosaic it, then we can pretend that it’s not there, and thus, can’t be bitten by the fangs of a geisha’s stink crevice.

Or maybe their culture has been aware of the movie Teeth a lot longer than anyone else has. Why don’t you hit the jump and discover the film for yourself? Warning: I will (or at least try to) say the word vagina a fair amount in this article. Because, y’know, I actually have a fairly good reason to do so. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Teeth’

Eat My Sports: Bring it, Madden

I am challenging John Maddden. No, not to a game of Scrabble, or a game of who can drop “boom” more times in a five minute conversation. No kids, this year, we here at SG are challenging the video game, to see how they can handle us.

Playing as your favorite team gets lame after a while, Bryan McBournie himself has even admitted to there being a limit as to how much he can take of Tom Brady’s digital butt. So you need to kick it up a notch, give the game a little spark. You need to create a team of you and your friends as “create-a-players” with perfect ratings, and see if Madden has the cajones to keep up with you.

McBournie and I are masters of this. Throughout college we perfected the QB/RB combo by designing a shotgun offense that allowed my golden arm and toned legs to plow through any defense like Lindsay Lohan and Misha Barton tag-teaming a 10-lb eight ball. This year however, SG will take on Madden. And we will keep you posted of the results, but before we update you every week. Here is our lineup, as we will make the Detroit Lions a playoff team. Why Detroit? We told you already, we like the shotgun. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Bring it, Madden

You Missed It: Kiss my white ass edition

It’s March! That means we must be close to spring or something. The good news is that it just sounds better to say, it’s March. It sounds like things are much better than dark, dreary February. Some of you may be excited purely because March means March Madness. Well, don’t look for any college basketball coverage here. We tend to stick to the binge drinking that March is also known for. If you were busy playing in a meaningless international baseball tournament this week, odds are you missed it.

Off to a great start changing the face of the GOP
The newly-crowned RNC Chairman Michael Steele caused some controversy when he called AM radio pundit Rush Limbaugh an “entertainer” who is known to say inflammatory things. Limbaugh of course took exception to this, and did so on his radio show, which is also televised, for the entertainment of his fans and their “mega dittos.” Steele apologized this week. Limbaugh accepted, and then went back to making inflammatory statements like how he hopes the president fails.

But why does the funny guy get whacked?
Watchmen was released in theaters, amid much hype and fanfare. The movie, based on a famous really long comic book graphic novel, has been heavily anticipated since last summer or something. Rick and Chugs held hands in the movie theater together, but did not stick around afterward, claiming they had to clean up a bit. The film opened up to mixed reviews, ranging from “It was just like the book” to “Good god was that long!”

Jacko is still whacko but he’s backo
Michael Jackson announced that he would be performing 10 final shows this summer in London. The shows are expected to sell out what he calls his “I Need This To Pay My Court Fines” tour. He said he chose London for his venue because he is really looking forward to visiting Hogwarts. (What? You expected something non-child related in a Jackson story?)

Eat My Sports: I’m super, thanks for asking

So it has come to this. The Arizona Cardinals and the Pittsburgh Steelers in a game for the title, or as we like to say, for all the marbles. Last year, I predicted a 28-27 upset of the Patriots by Elisha Manning and his Giants. I also detailed how the game would play out, and also what it would be like to have The Guys together watching the game.

Well, dedicated readership, you’re getting half of what you’ve been wishing for since my Super Bowl column last year! Bryan McBournie and I will be watching the game and trying not to kill each other this very Sunday. How will both games play out … I wonder …. Continue reading Eat My Sports: I’m super, thanks for asking

Take it from Snee: No more satire

If you’re a regular reader of “Take it from Snee,” then you’re probably expecting some satire. Well, not this week and never again.

You see, I’ve learned something this week: satire isn’t funny unless everyone agrees it is. In fact, the only successful satire ever written was A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift, and that’s only because people don’t read it until high school after a teacher explains the joke. (Spoiler alert: British people love to eat Irish babies.)

I could go ahead and just explain every TifS, but I’m still a lazy man even when I’m no longer satirical. Instead, I’ve chosen to denounce Rick Snee’s most inflammatory statements, which I find offensive and wholly inappropriate. Continue reading Take it from Snee: No more satire