Robots need love, too

Robots are taking our jobs, and will eventually rise up and enslave us one day. But can they be fun in the meantime? We create robots to disarm bombs or fly and drop bombs. We build some robots to look like us, so we don’t feel lonely. And because we’re humans and it’s what we do, we’re working to build sexy robots. But what if they’re not in the mood?

A Spanish engineer has created a robot that you can have sex with, but you have to get it in the mood. “Samantha” looks like a mannequin, but apparently is anatomically correct, and needs some romance and even hugging and kissing in order to get turned on. Also, she likes to plan Ed Sheeran songs on Pandora.

If this hasn’t made you question why Samantha even exists, she can be yours for just over $5,000, which can probably buy you better companionship with real people.

Gronking comes to a halt, won’t be forgotten

We’ve got some bad news for all the lovers out there. Amazon is no longer selling A Gronking to Remember, and it’s not clear why.

Yes, just days after lifting the Lombardi trophy in Phoenix, it seems a book about Rob Gronkowski has been pulled. The romance novel is reportedly about a married woman who watches football with her husband, and soon finds an attraction to Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski. It was an instant classic online, and now it’s gone.

Where has the romance gone, Gronk?

A pill can make your farts smell good

We’ve all been there before: you’re toward the end of a romantic evening, going to make a move, when you can hold in a fart any longer, and the night is ruined. Fortunately, your relationship will eventually get to the point where neither of you cares about each other’s farts anymore. But if you can’t wait that long, there’s another solution.

A French inventor has a pill that will make your farts smell better, and he’s got a new scent just in time for Valentine’s Day. What is this romantic scent from a country known for its romance, made for the most romantic holiday of the year? Ginger. The sexy, sexy smell of ginger.

Not only will your farts smell great, they will calm your stomach, too.

The Guys were made for your regrets

We all regret something. Some regret not taking their narcolepsy medication prior to operating a woodchipper. Others regret dropping out of their safety school instead of hunkering down and dropping out of Harvard.

And the majority of women surveyed by Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management professor Neil Roese have romantic regrets: “the one that got away, a missed opportunity or someone you knew in college [with whom] it didn’t quite work out.”

Ladies, if there’s a certain Guy you regret not going all the way with, then have we got good news for you: sex kills. We will only break your heart.

Romance and handcuffs

It’s sort of spring outside, live is in bloom. And when what is the most romantic country in the world? Germany, of course. (Half credit if you said France.) The German language itself oozes romance, despite not actually being a romantic language. HA! Word play!

Somewhere in Germany, a woman awoke to the sound of someone breaking into her home after scaling to her balcony. She immediately called the police. When the authorities arrived, the man jumped down and ran off into the night. He was caught, bottle of wine in one hand and flowers in the other. It was the woman’s boyfriend.

Unfortunately, the boyfriend had an outstanding warrant, so he got carted off to jail. He gave the bottle of wine to his arresting officers. Such is love.

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Love Story’

It ain’t February unless Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. With that said, here’s a perfect movie to cozy up with a lady, and in the process, hopefully get a bit more than just “cozying”. It’s Love Story, the 1970 Ali MacGraw/Ryan O’Neal tear jerker vehicle. Considered by many to be one of the most romantic movies of all time, if this doesn’t work for you, nothing will. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Love Story’

Science says Whitney Houston did not lie

Very romantic scientists at Stony Brook University in New York discovered that certain amount of married people experience “Endless Love.” They also proved that someone may or may not “Always Love You” and verified that the entire Michael Bolton catalog applies to a handful of test subjects.

For the study, they compared brain scans of couples who had been together for 20 years to those who had just reached third base, maybe made it home once. About 10 percent of the longtime couples reacted the same as new couples when shown pictures of their partners. (Another 10 percent reacted by needing a drink.)

So, if you’re in a committed relationship and feel just as strongly about your partner as when you met, great. For the rest of you, you now have to fake it because your partner will read this report.

How To: Fall in love

Image: “I am watching you …” by Denise Yap

According to Cole Porter (and to a lesser extent, Tank Girl), birds do it, bees do it, even hippopotami do it; let’s do it: here’s how to fall in love!

Continue reading How To: Fall in love