Romanian zombies clog up the courts

Romania is known in this part of the world for spooky stuff, mostly, vampires. But it turns out that the country has its share of zombies, too. And they are clogging up the legal system.

Constantin Reliu, 63, died a few months ago, according to his wife and the paperwork she filed to declare him dead. So when he returned home from a trip to Turkey in January, Reliu wasn’t pleased to find out of his death. He sued to have his death certificate overturned, but the Romanian courts know a zombie when they see one. The court told him the death certificate could not be overturned.

In the same week, a Romanian court ruled that Valerian Vasiliu should have his driver’s license reinstated. The only problem is that Vasiliu is dead. In March 2017, Vasiliu had his license revoked. He immediately appealed the decision, only to die last October. So when the court made its ruling last week, they were essentially telling a zombie he can drive again.

The dead are rising, and getting clever.

The fall fashions are in!

You wait long enough and eventually it comes back into fashion. In this case, it is once again cool to dress like a Nazi. Remember a few years back when Prince Harry dressed up like a Nazi for a party? How awesome was that! Who could ever take offense in dressing like that?

This fall, it’s what everyone’s going to be wearing, if the mayor of a Romanian town and his teenage son are any indication. They both dressed up in full World War II German Army officer uniforms (there’s a difference between Nazis and the German military, but whatever) to a fashion show. The father-son fashion duo entered the stage goose stepping, too.

For some reason, people want the mayor to step down.

They prefer the term ‘garden whore,’ thank you very much

Romanian businessman Cristi Birgu has attracted attention by trying to drum up sales for his garden gnome business with the strategic use of prostitutes.

No, not that type of prostitute, just plastic prostitutes.

No, not that kind of plastic. Unreal plastic!

Birgu has the miniature ladies of the evening–also manufactured by his company–placed outside his home, in the hopes that they’ll attract potential buyers. Somehow, I just can’t see much overlap between the people who buy garden gnomes and the people who solicit sex workers–but hey, what do I know? Maybe there’s some kind of statistical survey that’ll prove me otherwise.

Mayor of the Dead

Citizen, you should be proud that you’re (probably) a member of the United States of America. We’re a strong country. We have values that we’ll gladly impose upon you. We know what we want and we take it! But most important of all, we’re zombie-free. Unlike Europe, which seems to be riddled with the brain-munchers, our country knows the value in putting the dead back into their graves.

Another plus for our country and not Europe? We don’t have zombies elected as political officials. While this was obviously most evident during the 2004 election, stronger evidence of this can be seen as closely as Bucharest, where recently, a dead mayor was reelected by his Romanian village. Their reason? “We’re afraid of change.” Major weaksauce, Romania. Smartly, election authorities awarded the title of mayor to his candidate before a dark ritual or Solarium could be used to expedite the corpse’s stroll back to office.

People, that’s not a bipartisan system-it’s a brain partaking system. It’s smart not to let a zombie in office. All we would have is tons and tons of legislature stating, “Send more paramedics.”