Back in September, we reported on Colorado Springs’ Mad Pooper, a runner who defecated in public on a frequent basis during her jogs. Nobody caught her, although she apparently stopped after making the news.
BUT! Police did catch a different defecathlete in New Jersey. We call him: the Pooperintendent.
Police and staff at Holmdel High School caught the Superintendent (eh?) of a neighboring school, Thomas Tramaglini, allegedly brown-handed after finding poop daily on their track. We have no word whether Holmdel track coaches included his pinch times during laps.
He has been charged with lewdness and, hilariously, littering. So, let that be a warning, fellow runners: give a flip, don’t take a sh*t.
As this Web site reported on Tuesday, the obesity epidemic in this country now affects our national security. One-quarter of all 17-24 year-olds exceed recruitment weight limits. And what’s the big deal about one-fourth? An additional half are in ineligible because they dropped out of high school, have criminal records or have non-Big Mac-related medical issues.
That’s three-quarters of our Selective Service. If we suddenly needed a draft to fight off human waves of Canadians, we’d be forced to sew uniforms together, widen trigger holes, and hollow out tanks to equip our nation of fatasses–so long as they don’t have to run anywhere.
At least, that sounds like it would be a problem until you consider that, while recruits are turned away for being too overweight, active duty soldiers are being discharged for the same reason. Our military is fat! In order to support our troops, they’ll need those Rascal scooters to get to combat zones!
Caster Semenya won the gold on Wednesday in the 800-meter race at the world championship in Berlin, Germany. The South African received her medal … and an official request for a gender test.
Yes, in the same sense that the world believes only an underage Chinese gymnast could win the Olympics or a muslim Kenyan could win the presidency, we now believe that only a South African male could possibly defeat our lady runners.
Look, we can’t yank every face off, hoping it was Old Man Jenkins the whole time and–therefore–doesn’t count. Sometimes we’re gonna lose.
OK, so you finally lost some weight, bringing you below the obese line. Perhaps you’re even barely above to overweight line. Time to relax and maintain, right?
WRONG, say doctors who wrote a new article in Circulation (clever, no?). If you’re a couple of pounds overweight, you still have a 180 percent increased risk of a heart attack over lean people. And, as Dr. Satish Kenchaiah, lead writer of the report, says, “The more you exercise, the more reduction [of the risk of heart disease] you have.”
So, what are you sitting around reading this for? Run! Run, you maggot! And don’t you dare stop running until you have a 0 percent chance of heart attack!
If you see an Olympic hopeful sitting at the bar one night, leave him alone, he’s getting in shape. Also, you might want to question why you can recognize anyone trying out for the Olympics.
In any case, as it turns out, drinking is not only good for you, it can help keep you in shape. This blog has been saying this for years that 12 oz. curls are still curls. Studies now show that having a drink or two (or depending on your interpretation of “two,” 12) can help keep your heart in good shape, along with 30 to 60 minutes of daily exercise.
The Guys recommend having the drinks before you exercise, or bring the drinks in your water bottle. Like work, exercise goes by much faster if you are under the influence. Besides, it’s more fun to stagger than jog anyway.