Salutations, Hollywood executive! You may be wondering why I’m writing you this open letter, and why my headshot is actually a full-body nude. I’ll answer your second question first: I have a lot of these lying around, mostly labeled “return to sender” with a restraining order enclosed
As to your first question: congratulations on your upcoming remake of the 1986 cinematic classic, Highlander. The original, as I’m sure you’re aware, was not well-received by critics, but was a rousing cult hit that spawned a lot of crappy sequels and reintroduced America to one Thomas Sean Connery. In other words, I believe you will enjoy reasonably tremendous success, so long as more women attend than those dragged by their boyfriends with ponytails to the theater.
I see you had just this demographic in mind when you announced your casting of Ryan Reynolds as this century’s Connor MacLeod (of the Clan MacLeod). While I think you have the right idea, I’d like you to take a step back — but within view of the monitor that your intern is assumedly holding up for you right now — and bear with me when I say: there are actors who aren’t Ryan Reynolds. Some of them may even live in your neck of the woods. (Perhaps balancing a frappucino and your monitor?) Continue reading Take it from Snee: There can be only one (but not necessarily Ryan Reynolds)
So I caught a few previews for Austin Powers 4: The Love Guru and noticed Jessica Alba is in it. You have to look hard for it: she’s only in the preview for a few seconds and she’s allegedly the leading lady. The same thing happened with Good Luck Chuck, that last attempt to cash in on Dane Cook/Ryan Reynolds confusion. You know what else these movies have in common? I don’t plan on seeing either one until I’m so hungover that the remote weighs 300 pounds. (And even then, the TV has to just happen to be on that channel.)