Tagged: safety

| Filed under Regular Post

Never go flying with Harrison Ford

Lao Che’s plan was pretty solid, in retrospect.

There’s a danger in the skies over Los Angeles, and its name is Harrison Ford.

Nearly two years after a crash landing on a Santa Monica golf course, Harrison Ford is once again endangering the lives of unsuspecting Angelenos. The famed actor has just been cited by the FAA for landing his plane on another non-runway, but at least this time it was an airport. According to authorities, Ford was cleared to land on a runway at John Wayne Airport on Monday, but mistakenly landed on a taxiway instead, nearly hitting a 737 with 116 people on it. Luckily no one was injured.

So the next time you fly, don’t worry about turbulence, worry that Harrison Ford is lurking out there somewhere.

| Filed under That Wacky Australia

Australian police track mobile picnickers

Australian police are looking out for some dangerous motorists. You probably guessed they let a kangaroo drive, and you’re somehow not thinking weird enough.

Police in Western Australia are looking for a group of men who went cruising around a beach town on two motorized picnic tables. They didn’t hit anyone, they weren’t drinking (although it would make sense if they had been). The “vehicles” aren’t approved for road use, and authorities say the lack of safety clothing means they were a danger to themselves as well as the public.

The smart money is that they left their getaway vehicles in a park.

| Filed under Regular Post

Ghosts yearn for days of Broadway sensibility

Believe it or not, theatre (not to be confused with theaters, where the floors are only sticky with butter) is in a bit of trouble.

For some reason, Americans aren’t interested in live stage performances of movies they’ve already seen, like Legally Blonde, Les Miserables and Spider-Man.

The last in that list has already injured four people, three of which were “flying”-related.

This logically proves only one thing: Broadway ghosts have had enough of this Ice Capades s#@t, and they are not going to take it anymore.

| Filed under What a Reach!

Wal-Mart fires inept employees?

You wouldn’t know it by walking in one, but Wal-Mart has employment standards. They proved it by firing Joseph Casias, 2008’s Associate of the Year.

How had Casias fallen so far in only a year? Marijuana.

Well, also cancer, living in Michigan and a prescription for marijuana from his doctor.

But still: Joseph Casias is a reefer addict, and The Store That Sam Built can’t abide junkies jeopardizing “the safety of its customers and associates.” (They will continue to sell three-day old hot dogs to stoner customers, however.)

And just in case you aren’t on the exploitative global corporations’ side yet, guess who’s leading the fight against them? The ACLU. We’re not saying you’re wrong for agreeing with the ACLU per se, just that God may not be able to tell the difference when you die.

| Filed under Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: I will be safe again

For eight years–eight years–I believed we had created a safer United States, a bomb-free and non-terrorized America.  I thought that, by taking my shoes off at airports and picketing Muslim schools, we were safe.

All of that was thrown out the window this morning thanks to CNN and Bryan Schools (but mostly Bryan Schools). Now I’m terrified, which is terrorism. (Bryan Schools is a terrorist.)

If 10 U.S. government agents could sneak bombs into U.S. government buildings past other U.S. government employees, then every step the U.S. government has taken to protect me was all a lie. I’m not safe, nor was I ever.

But, I’m going to change that, you Take it from Snee. Continue reading