Science wants morons back

Is it just us, or has science pulled a Sandra Dee, all showing up to NASCAR in black vinyl, heels and teased hair while putting out a cigarette? First, they presented evidence that supports letting pregnant women drink, even going so far to say that binging doesn’t really hurt your child. And now? Salad doesn’t work without fatty-fatty-fat-fat salad dressing.

Researchers at Purdue University found that fats in salad dressing increase the amount of carotenoids — or nutrient compounds like lycopene and beta-carotene — absorbed into the blood stream. Without sufficient fats, the good parts just pass right through you.

Or, because we never pass up the opportunity to make an analogy: your insides are the wall of a barn. If you just throw salad at that wall without a thick enough dressing, it just slides right off. But with a thick, creamy layer of Hidden Valley ranch, it sticks to your barn, which will now have better eyesight. (We grew up in the suburbs and, consequently, do not know how barns work.)

This is all well and good, but you do realize, science, that there is no winning morons back, right? They’re still mad about the whole evolution thing and how you wouldn’t go all the way with them at the drive-in.

Organic salads get even more organic

Though we’re a fairly carnivorous website, we understand the need for people to go vegetarian every now and then. Though it’s not nearly as strong a front that meat-eaters provide, the indirect approach to the War on Animals that plant-eaters use still makes an impact on our enemies.

We don’t necessarily think that the streams should be crossed though. When you’re hungry, you just want what you crave. If that’s a salad, then that’s a salad. Just a salad. Not a salad with a live tree frog.

SG wholeheartedly recommends not eating live tree frogs. They can be incredibly poisonous and toxic if touched, and most usually fatal if consumed. SG also wholeheartedly recommends not eating salads from wholesale stores, but not because they can be incredibly poisonous and toxic if touched and fatal if consumed. It’s just low-rent.