Tag: Salem

Man buys expensive booze, doesn’t offer us any

There are some things in life that we at SG HQ will just never have. A Ford GT prototype, the ability to pee standing up, a Double-Double Animal style, a rock opera starring Ice T, even our very own continent — sadly all are out of our reach. We just can’t reach that echelon of monetary status.

That said, we are here on our hands and knees, begging for a sip of Lyle Shellenberg’s latest purchase: a 50 year old bottle of scotch. We consider ourselves amateur alcohol connoisseurs and it would only make our destiny if we were to have a glass of that sweet, sweet liquid. Please, Mister Shellenberg, make our dream come true.

Hey, it’s not like we’re asking for a sixer of Pabst. We’ve got class.

Learning to drive easier than learning to open a door

I currently reside in a magical town in Virginia. It’s not as super upbeat as where the Bryans live, and it’s not as economically stimulating as where Rick lives, but it does the job. Of course, just 10 minutes down the road from me is the neighboring town of Salem. Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is a truly magical town. No, not because of some kooky witch-based pun, but because in that town, anything can happen.

The sky is green, left is right, orange is taupe and cars crash into the back of offices, rather than the front.

Well, at least one of those things is true.

Truly giving new meaning to the term triple double-cross

“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.” -Henry VI, William Shakespeare.

Even Shakespeare knew in the 17th century that frivolous suits were the bane of civilization. Sadly, some near 400 years later, we’re still living in a litigious society that knows no bounds. Especially when it’s clearly a victim’s fault that a driver hits them in a head-on collision.

Take it from Snee: Who is Hillary Clinton?

Don’t let that McCain ad in our right-hand margin fool you: SeriouslyGuys is, and always has been, a relatively apolitical site. We don’t endorse candidates because we’re issues-driven. (Those issues, of course, are the wars on animals, aliens and education.) That said, when we write about political candidates in the Scurry section, it’s always in the interest of equal-opportunity offense.

So there’s been some bellyaching from Hillary-supporters. They are upset because Barack Obama gets, as they put it, “far more coverage” in the media. In an attempt to balance the Democratic media-coverage spreadsheet, I’ve decided to provide the Hillary campaign with coverage comparable to Obama’s. (You’re welcome, Mrs. Clinton.)

Continue reading Take it from Snee: Who is Hillary Clinton?