Fish deadly to humans, this time for eating purposes

The Monterey Bay Aquarium’s Seafood Watch program has assigned a red “avoid” recommendation to wild-caught California and Oregon salmon, based on continued low levels of salmon returning to the Sacramento River. Gee, that’s helpful. While that advice may seem clear cut, the change in recommendations can be confusing.

The avoid rating for Oregon salmon applies only to fish caught south of Cape Falcon. It does not apply to the entire state of Oregon. That’s because there are two different salmon stocks being fished on the Pacific coast-those that spawn in the Sacramento River, where stock levels have been troubled in recent years; and salmon fished from the Columbia River, thought to have moderately healthy population levels.

Hey, nature, I don’t know if you’re aware of it, but when you came into existence, you agreed to an unspoken social contract. The terms were that we wouldn’t eat all of you, just the strong majority of you, and as such, you wouldn’t try to kill us. By keeping your population in a perpetual declination, you are clearly trying to kill us, albeit, very slowly. Knock it off.

West coast water supply secured from salmon

It is a glorious day in the War on Animals: salmon can no longer be found off the coasts of California and Oregon.

Thanks to the concerted efforts of the commercial fishing industry, Long John Silvers and armchair warriors like you, salmon can no longer ruin our beaches and drinking water with acts of malfeasence like fornicating and pooping.

Go ahead, pat yourself on the back.  We’ve all worked hard for this day.  But don’t think this means we can take a day off.  There’s still a whole world of water-spoiling fish out there to be eaten before we can switch back to tap.

Red Sox join the War on Animals

Baseball season is finally upon us. We know it, our former enemies friends in Japan know it and obviously so do the animals. Seeing an opportunity to strike at loyal Boston Red Sox fans, a red-tailed hawk made a nest at the majestic Fenway Park, a baseball Mecca.

The hawk waited for its opportunity, and was noticed by ballpark staff. The bird was scheduled to be dealt with when it attacked a girl taking a tour of the park with her middle school class, cutting her head above her eye. Not surprisingly, the nest was located just above the press box, most likely waiting for the off chance to silence The Guys.

The story has a somewhat happy ending. The hawk flew off and is reported to be still at large after the nest, and an egg, were removed. New item on the Fenway menu: omelettes.

UPDATE: Sports Illustrated has a picture of the attack.

In unhappier news, sea lions in California had been given a death sentence (and rightly so!) by the state government, then the inHumane Society came in and made them stop. The stay of execution will last until something is worked out by the group and state and federal agencies. This blog will never waver from its “kill the bastards” stance.

In a case of lose-lose, while the sea lions could meet their end, or even be moved, they are being moved to that salmon can make it ustream to spawn. We can handle the salmon, though.