Tag: salt lake city

It’s definitely no condom-balloon

I’m a guy. I’ll readily admit that I’m not an overly-intelligent guy. I don’t have multiple degrees or advanced degrees in science. I’ll also readily admit that I’m not entirely sure how women work. At the risk of this being read and I become lynched, I”ll just say that women have “special abilities” that I don’t understand.

That said, I don’t know, maybe a tampon stuffed with cocaine could work pretty well. I won’t sit here and pretend to say that it’s a good idea, but I won’t necessarily destroy it either. Apparently Cindy Davidson of Salt Lake City thought it was a bad idea. I mean, yes, it probably is a bad thing to be exposed to when your aunt comes to visit, but until there are studies confirming that, I can’t guarantee it. So there.

OHGODTHISISTHELONGESTIVEEVERTALKEDABOUTPMSANDIDONTWANTTODOTHATAGAIN

And now, another moment in ‘What not to say’

“On an army base” edition:

  • “The secret ingredient is poison” – mess hall head cook
  • “Who wants to play knife fight?” – boot camp attendee
  • “Hey, let’s smack this crappy fellow private with a sock filled with soap.” – other boot camp attendee
  • “So, I’ve got this idea for a plague…” – research scientist
  • “Wasn’t Stop-Loss such a great movie?” – Army recruiter
  • “Joining Al Qaeda and declaring jihad on the United States of America is looking really good right now.” – 4 star general
  • “It’s probably a bomb.” – package courier

Picked the wrong day to quit microprocessing

To illustrate the situation for us, he threw human feces at an oscillating fan.Flights across the country were delayed by a problem with the FAA’s computers in Salt Lake City and Atlanta. Air traffic controllers were forced to enter flight plans by hand until the systems could be brought back online.

When we asked FAA officials, “The computers? What is it?” they responded, “They’re boxes full of chips and circuits that use a binary language to perform advanced calculations in the blink of an eye … but that’s not important right now.”

The Guys took some pictures and left, knocking over a row of phone booths to call in this story.

Hand-charted flights, phone booths, actual human reporting …. All in all, everyone had a wonderful time reliving the 1970s.