Nostalgia-crazed snake on a plane

The internet has been a place where people can come together to laugh and promote awful ideas for a fair amount of its existence. Long before Boaty McBoatface or pretty much every online poll to name anything ever, there was 2006’s Snakes on a Plane.

The film marked Samuel L. Jackson’s full transformation into a living meme, and is probably why we ended up with those Sharknado movies. The problem is that the movie shone a spotlight on a huge security risk for all the animals to see. That’s why a decade later we’re still seeing stories about snakes on planes. This time a passenger left his snake on a local Alaska airline, and it was found during the following flight.

Luckily for passengers, the snake wasn’t venomous, and flight attendants caught it and locked it in a storage bin until the plane was safely on the ground.

Since we’re here, let’s take a trip back to 2006 with a demonstrational video on how to smuggle snakes onto a plane.

Eat My Sports: Let’s not go out like Mace Windu

In an interview to hype Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith, Samuel L. Jackson said in regards to his character, Mace Windu, that “he doesn’t go out like a b****” (please trust me on this, as my Google-fu is quite weak at the moment and I cannot find said interview; however, this one line was burned into my brain). Obviously, Sammy L was a little off in his revelation, because most assuredly, Mace Windu went out not just a window, but like a b****.

So, how does this relate to sports? Oh, come on. Teams lose games in the worst ways possible. Players leave in the most egregious ways possible. The worst thing is that more often than not, said people have the most potential ever! They’re rife with talent, but it gets squandered in a single moment, usually in an inexplicable manner. It’s time to celebrate the Mace Windu Awards.

Warning: the language is gonna get strong.

Continue reading Eat My Sports: Let’s not go out like Mace Windu

The McBournie Minute: Get ready for the return flight

Last week I was scrolling through the channels because my cable box was having issues downloading program info. It was like being back in 1996. I had to scroll through the channels not pressing the page up/page down buttons, but the channel up/channel down ones instead.

I stopped at FX, because they are generally good to me, after all, they brought us the greatest show about Denis Leary’s stand-up world this side of The Job. But tonight’s fare was not quite at that level. Instead I got the last half hour of Snakes on a Plane. I know it was cool four years ago for blogs to be all excited about this movie, but really, it’s a second-rate action flick that’s never sure if it’s supposed to be sarcastic or not.

Naturally, I watched it.

I even got in in time for Samuel L. Jackson’s famous (if not edited) line: “That is it! I have had it with these monkey fighting snakes on this Monday-to-Friday plane!” Those of you who follow me on Twitter know where I’m going with this. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Get ready for the return flight

How To: Joke about the new president

Comedians are worried about their trade now that George Bush’s presidency is almost over. It’s been an easy eight years, minus that brief period in late 2001-2002 when we depended on him as an illiterate father-figure.

In fact, things have been so bad for Bush and the gang that Republicans are complaining that we made too much fun of him, ruining their dreams of pop-up history books.

But enough about those oversensitive, feelings-oriented, fairness-mongering crybabies. We’ve got a real issue on our hands: how do we make fun of the guy who’s supposed to save America, especially one who’s … um, diverse?

Did any of you voters think about us? Humorists have husbands, wives and children to publicly belittle; we can’t pay for that unless we do political jokes, too. This is why The Guys held an emergency post-election meeting to determine how to joke about the new president. Continue reading How To: Joke about the new president