Firefighters save delicious pigs, eat them as sausage

Back when fire departments first became a thing, firefighters would loot the houses as they tried to keep them from burning down. Today, firefighters just settle for a small paycheck and an excuse to wear a mustache. One woman whose property was save by firefighters decided to give back.

In England, a woman’s piglets and sows were saved from a barn fire by her local fire department several months ago, and she promised to repay them someday. That day has come. The woman held a barbecue for the local fire department, serving sausages made from the very pigs that they had saved.

So really, the pigs were only saved from the flames for a few months–until they would be tastier. This is a great policy, as long as they don’t apply it to saving children.

Neo-Nazis throw meat, sausages at vegans

There's no reason civilians should have access to weapons like those.
There’s no reason civilians should have access to weapons like those.

They say that America has a culture of violence. Luckily, we don’t need to worry about the kind of attacks citizens of Tbilisi, Georgia felt recently.

According to reports, the Kiwi Cafe, a vegan restaurant has hosting an English-language movie night when a group of Neo-Nazi thugs burst in and started throwing meat, sausages and fish at patrons. Vegans must not be too welcome in the nation of Georgia, because when the fight spilled out into the streets, the restaurant’s neighbors began attacking the vegans, rather than the Neo-Nazis.

The real question is if it’s vegans vs. Nazis, who do you root for?

Bad dog! Bad anti-authoritarian dog!

You’re probably already aware that Greece is poised to economically ruin Europe, but what you may not realize is that their animals are involved.

Riots have broken out in Athens over an austerity bill that reins in public spending while raising taxes, perceived to target the poor and middle class almost exclusively. These riots have lead to clashes between armored police officers and young people with one very bad dog.

Sausage — or as he’s listed in The Illiad, Loukanikos — has tripped police officers down stairs and currently has charges pending for biting at least one person. And the worst part? He’s homeless, meaning he’s definitely engaged in class warfare.

Sausage is emblematic of the Greek problem: instead of euthanizing stray dogs, the Athens municipality neuters them and puts them on the Kibble dole. They even get free healthcare.

So, congratulations, Greece. You could have added Sausage to your gyros, but now you have to fight him in the streets, and the rest of the world will have to pay for it.