Take it from Snee: Pros and cons of surviving 2011

Whenever I approach a new year, I like to take stock of what I survived. I like to think of myself less as a time traveler stuck in forward linear motion at an uninterruptible rate and more of a time warrior, cleaning out the runners of my time sword as I prepare to skewer another year.

So, here’s an entirely subjective list of what went right and wrong in 2011 before greeting Bolon Yokte as an old friend at midnight, Jan. 1. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Pros and cons of surviving 2011

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Iron Man 2’

For those with Netflix (and if you don’t have it, then shame on you, and shame on me for my completely unsolicited plug), Iron Man 2 will soon be available to watch streaming. This is something to keep in mind, as there are worst ways to kill time. But should you put at the top of your queue, or should you just meander around to it? Hit the jump button to find out. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Iron Man 2’

Cancer cures put on hold for more research into DUH news

Nothing to see here people. Move right along. Water is still wet. Grass is still green. Balls are still round and men still see women in bikinis as objects. How do we know this?

Because we have a surplus amount of lazy graduate student scientists.

Here’s a way to understand the study: Scarlett Johansson is washing her car in a bikini. Because you’re a dirty pervert, you watch her doing so from her lawn hedge. The purpose of the study is to show the difference between thinking, “Scarlett is washing her car. It must be dirty.” and “Wash that car, Scarlett. Oh yeah! So dirty!”

Basically, they’re saying the first one, you associate a passive activity, and prescribe reason and motivation to why she’s doing something. The second one makes the actions much more directly associated, applies that all motivations are sexual, and involves more dirty words running through your mind.

So, what does this mean? Since science is not actually trying to attempt to solve anything useful, like curing horrible diseases or building me a sweet robot body, henceforth, scientists should only be allowed to study rutabagas. It would be just as productive as what they’re doing now.