The biggest threat to our kids: Axe body spray

Our children are in danger, even at school, a place where they should be able to feel safe, if anywhere. The biggest threat the youth of American feel today, is of course, Axe body spray.

For some reason, canisters of this stuff are legal for citizens to buy, because of the Bill of Rights. Even though our forefathers could never have anticipated the dangers we face today, we haven’t banned this stuff. Emergency crews were recently called to a prep school in Brooklyn, N.Y., after one such canister was released in a 6th grade classroom. Eight students were hospitalized and two others went to their family doctors.

Never again, America.

Finally, a sense of accomplishment

There’s one thing we don’t see enough of anymore: public spankings. It’s getting to the point where we almost believed that kids aren’t hit at all anymore.

What happened to the good old days where it wasn’t just a parent’s responsibility, but the duty of any elected or appointed officials, shop owners or approximate busybodies to paint a kid’s bee-hind red? You know, when you smack someone’s kid for looking at you the wrong way, hand them back to the parent, explain what they did and watch them get slapped around again?

There’s good news: more than 200,000 kids got spanked in school this year.

Sure, that number’s down from a few years ago, but we can still take solace in the idea that somebody out there wants to slap that as … king look off their face.