Arsenic: Another reason to stop reading

If there’s one thing we’ve always said here at SeriouslyGuys, it’s that you shouldn’t read. But do you listen? And now there are books that could kill you.

The library at the University of Southern Denmark recently pulled three Renaissance-era books that have arsenic on their pages. The books were covered in arsenic-laced paint that had been applied back in the 19th century, when people thought arsenic was totally safe as long as you didn’t swallow it.

So put down those books, people. It could just save your life.

Thinking you’re Einstein may make you an Einstein

If you want to be smarter, all you need to do is see yourself as Albert Einstein, according to a recent study.

In a recent study, people pictured themselves as the famed physicist with some help from virtual reality. Wearing a body suit and VR headset, the test subjects saw themselves as Albert Einstein, and it turned out that they did better on cognitive tests because of it. Simply seeing themselves as someone smarter actually made them smarter.

These people were then mocked by people who saw themselves as jocks.

Seafood makes you more likely to get it on, study says

More people live on the East and West Coasts than in the rest of the U.S. Is it beaches? The infrastructure? The overall higher standard of life? Science may have the answer.

According to a recent study of 500 couples trying to have a baby, lovers who eat more seafood have more active sex lives and are also more likely to conceive. Couples who ate seafood were 39% more likely to get it on that very same day. Further, 92% of the couples that ate seafood more than twice a week conceived by the end of the study.

So there may be more people on the coasts simply because we have better access to seafood, and bang more.

Mosquitoes remember the taste of your blood, science says

Mosquitoes remember you long after they have bitten you or been shooed away. They’re basically the Adeles of the insect world.

According to a new study, mosquitoes will remember you if your blood is particularly tasty, which may be why you get bitten again and again. This seems like a solid reason to avoid sweets any time you’re going to be outdoors for an extended period of time.

Scientists also learned that the blood suckers will remember to avoid you if you swat at them. So flail around like a crazy person for a few minutes when mosquitoes are around, and you’ll never have to worry about them bothering you.

Broccoli coffee: Because you shouldn’t enjoy anything

If there’s one thing the Millennial haven’t ruined, it’s coffee. Although they have certainly tried. But here comes an earnest attempt to make the one good thing about mornings into something awful.

Researchers in Australia have come up with what they hope will be the next big trend: broccoli coffee. The Australian government teamed up with a private research group to come up with coffee brewed with broccoli powder to get people to eat their veggies, Vegemite notwithstanding. They make powder out of broccoli, and add it into the coffee and say it doesn’t taste that bad. Scientists say two spoonfuls of that crap is equal to a serving of vegetables.

Broccoli powder can be added into any drink, not just coffee. We give it a week before it ruins beer, too.

Mussels are hooked on opioids

Opioids: they kill pain, they destroy lives and they make it tough to poop. We thought it was just a problem for humans, we were wrong.

A new study has found that mussels in Puget Sound are hooked on opioids, too. Researchers tested mussels in 18 different areas of the sound, and three of those areas tested positive for oxycodone. And get this, the liberal hippie scientists in Washington state claim it’s not the addicts’ fault. Instead, they blame humans, who take oxy and then pee it out, and that pee makes it into Puget Sound, where the mussels absorb it.

The mussels say they just like to party and can quit any time they want, and they don’t care what you think about them.

Science: Maybe squid, octopi came from space

Yet another prediction from “The Simpsons” come true.

There are a lot of weird looking animals on this planet. Sometimes we even say they look like aliens. It’s possible we’ve been right the whole time.

According to a study published in a peer-reviewed journal, squid and octopi may have come from outer space. Octopi have the ability to edit their own RNA, which is an ability not found in any other branch of the animal kingdom. Given that recent studies have found that it is possible for organic molecules to exist in space, researchers argue that life may have come from other worlds. They argue that the scientific community can not rule out that squid or octopus eggs, or even the animals themselves, came to Earth millions and millions of years ago this way.

Science just backed up Prometheus.

Study: Millennials are killing sex, too

At least once a day you see an article written by some old person blaming Millennials for ruining society, as if they are making conscious decisions to murder book stores or malls and they alone are able to kill off these things. Looks like we’re probably not going to be having sex anymore, either, because Millennials are killing that, too. Thanks a lot, whatever generation is old enough to work but not yet have power.

According to a study of 16,000 people born in 1989 and 1990, who have been tracked since the age of 14, one in eight 26-year-olds is still a virgin. Researchers say it’s a response to the hypersexualized society they have grown up in, and the fear of their performance being ridiculed on social media.

But the real reason is that Millennials hate everything that is good, like record shops, smoking and napkins. This is what happens when you hand out participation trophies.

Study: The Brits would rather watch TV than shag

We live in a world where there is endless entertainment right at your fingertips. Unfortunately, it comes at the cost of our sex lives.

According to a new study in the U.K., people are increasingly using video streaming services between 10 and 11 p.m. That may not sound like anything special, but typically that’s around the time most couples are going to bed and getting it on. The study suggests that rather than sexing each other, people are streaming videos in bed.

On the other hand, good job for having such good programming, British media.

Pew! Pew! You can shoot lasers from your eyes now

Science has finally given us the ability to shoot laser beams from our eyes. It’s a wonderful future, everyone.

It’s been the dream of mankind since the dawn of comic books, and now it’s a reality, thanks to Scottish researchers. They have created a flexible plastic membrane that can be put on a contact lens, and can shoot a laser beam when it’s hit with a laser beam itself.

OK, so it’s not quite X-Men level yet. But researchers say the technology could be used for identification and security purposes, kind of like a personal bar code. Which isn’t creepy at all.