Tagged: sculpture

| Filed under Headline of the Day, Picture of the Day, War on Art

Humans pretend to understand, like abstract art since Neolithic

Finally, archaeological evidence of the parallel DuckTales universe. (♩ Woo-oo! ♪)

Whenever modern art enters discussion (like you, The Guys keep up very erudite circles), there will inevitably be a few dissenters who cannot stand the abstract. While much can be expressed outside of recognizable shape and form, you can’t help but wonder if it’s making fun of you. And then, when you see the price tag on an over-sized mobile made of garbage, then you’re sure it is.

But, a new exhibit at the National Archaeological Museum in Athens, Greece proves that we’ve struggled with — and yet insisted on — finding meaning in abstract modern art for the past 7,000 years. They are displaying a Neolithic sculpture tantalizingly titled the “7,000-year-old enigma.” What is it?

Carved out of granite, the 36 cm (14 inches) “enigma” statuette of the late Neolithic era has a pointed nose and long neck leading to a markedly round belly, flat back and cylindrical stumpy legs.

Great. But, what is it?

‘It could depict a human-like figure with a bird-like face, or a bird-like entity which has nothing to do with man but with the ideology and symbolism of the Neolithic society,’ Katya Manteli, an archaeologist with the museum, told Reuters.

OK, but is it a boy or a girl duck … thing?

More puzzling still is the lack of clear indication of sex. Is it due to technical sculpting limitations? Or did the sculptor intend to create an asexual figure. […] ‘Yes, it could be a pregnant figure but there are no breasts, used in Neolithic times to depict the female body. On the other hand it lacks male organs so it is presented as an asexual figure,’ Manteli said.”

But which bathroom does it use?! Very important legislators in the U.S. need to know before passing anti-trans laws and eliminating the National Endowment for the Arts.

‘There are enigmatic aspects to it which make it charming.’

Well, there we go. The perfect term to describe any thing that is noteworthy but otherwise indescribable: it’s charming. This proves once and for all that art has always existed to shamefully infuriate us.

Modern art: a 7,000-years-old tradition of shaming us into paying for museums.
| Filed under Regular Post

Texting Brits keep walking into huge sculpture

The war between technology and art has finally come to a head. And it looks as if technology has won the first battle.

In England, technology has forced a one-ton sculpture to be moved months before it was scheduled to do so, all because people on their phones keep walking into it. “The Kiss” features two giant hands coming together. They say it’s supposed to look like faces kissing, but we’re not artsy enough to see that. The sculpture had been placed on a pathway on a cathedral’s grounds, with one hand coming up from each side of the path. But because of the low clearance, those who weren’t paying attention wound up getting bitch slapped by the huge hands.

We have a feeling that art will have the last laugh, however. In a decade or so, some artist is going to make an ugly sculpture out of old cell phones.

| Filed under Regular Post

They belong in a museum!

The ghost of Indiana Jones can rest a little easier: artwork that the Nazis supposedly destroyed for deviancy have been found. They attempted to get rid of it by storing it in a building and then burning the whole building down, with or without the assistance of allied bombs.

The sculptures survived down in the basement after the fire and were unearthed by recent construction work. Unfortunately, any works that were made of canvas or wood probably didn’t survive. But, the statues are mostly nudes, so we’ve got that going for us.

| Filed under Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: What isn’t art

In the weeks following Roger Ebert’s tweet (ugh) about video games never being art, I decided to try something new. Instead of instantly reacting and writing, I thought. And read. And observed. And then I thought some more. I may have also masturbated to a Michaelangelo. But, then I thought about that.

Point is: you can call this a slow reaction to a story that everyone has already had his or her say on. I call it deliberate.

You see, Ebert brought up an excellent idea, perhaps without realizing it (though I wouldn’t put it past the cheeky booger-monger). What do we consider art, and more importantly, why isn’t it? Video games can’t be the only field that millions of people–including the artists that work on them–mistake for art.

So, after a lot of revoked library cards and expulsion from every major art gallery with a listing on Craigslist, I have come back from the wilderness, not to tell you what art is, but what isn’t art. Continue reading