Tag: sea slug

The Eyeore’s tail of penises

After mating, the Goniobranchus reticulata sea slug runs home to put his disembodied penis under his pillow for the Penis Fairy.
After mating, the Goniobranchus reticulata sea slug runs home to put his disembodied penis under his pillow for the Penis Fairy.

If you want to know why we’re losing the War on Animals … Don’t look at us that way. It only looks like all the animals are gone because it’s winter. Come March, and you’ll see that they were just lying in wait for bikini season.

Anyway, if you want to know why we’re losing the War on Animals, it’s because we’re not willing to evolve more creatively. Take, for example, the Goniobranchus reticulata species of sea slug.

Honesty time: we’ve all mated with someone and felt oogy about it afterward. While we mere humans must live in shame, G. reticulata severs off its penis after mating and grows a new (and unoffending) one.

Guys, if sea slugs can solve the “Smell Yo Dick” test before us, what hope do we have as a species?

It’s almost like a monster truck in that regard

It’s half plant.

It’s half animal.

It’s all destructive.

Be there (be there, be there) on Saturday as we watch the latest monster to rrrrrr-ise from the depths: the photosynthetic sea slug. Watch as it steals the genes of chloroplasts and absorbs them into its own. Watch as it floats around and consumes alllllll. It digs grrrrrr-aves with the bodies of the animals it eats and then creates new hybrid animal/plants out of its offspring. Will it consume us all since it now has two sources of energy output? Probably. Kids tickets are still just FIVE BUCKS.

BE THERE!