Tag: seal hunt

Eat your heart out, animals!

We think of Canada as a bunch of wusses, but in reality, they are downright scary. Luckily for us, they are also our closest allies.

PETA (People for Egregious Treason and Animals) and other traitorous organizations have sharply criticized Canada for its annual seal hunt. The groups fail to see the reason baby seals must be killed. Perhaps they would better understand if a baby seal snuck into their house at night and dragged off their children. It happens in Canada all the time.

In an act of defiance to all critics, a Canadian official gutted a freshly-killed seal, pulled out its heart and ate it raw. If that’s not a clear message, this blog has no idea what is. The official was actually Governor General Michaelle Jean. A governor general is like the Queen’s representative to England’s territories, so basically it’s like Queen Elizabeth herself ate the heart. Good show!

The heart-eating was not just to make our enemies think that Canada is bats&$t insane, but it was a message that, and this is true, traditional seal hunting is indeed humane.

“After eating the heart during a stop in Nunavut’s Rankin Inlet, Jean wiped her blood-soaked fingers with a tissue.”

The fight for mankind never takes a vacation

As some of you may have heard, I was out Friday and yesterday (yet the McBournie Minute was posted, weird!). But, we’re at war, and this war has no armistices or even ceases of fire (cease fires?). So let’s take a look at what’s going on on the front lines.

Russia’s getting antsy. They’ve been flying near our Navy’s ships, they’ve been killing political opponents, and they seem to like bears in general. Now, they are going ofter people trying to take out one of our greatest threats: the goat. Apparently, someone’s been flying around on a helicopter hunting a rare species of goat, most likely cranking Ride of the Valkyries. All they are trying to do is rid us of their threat and ensure our safety, but Russia wants the hunting stopped.

But the good news is that Canada gets us. More importantly, they’ve got our backs. PETA is after Canada about the annual seal hunt. They want to boycott the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver. Well, Canada said “F-you, eh!” to PETA last week when they voted to include seal skin in the uniforms of their athletes at the games. Get your hotel and plane reservations now, it’s time to go protester clubbing in Vancouver!