You Missed It: End of 2012 edition

It's how I do my thinking.
It’s how I do my thinking.

Oh, hello there. I’m just here sitting back in my smoking jacket and enjoying a nice whiskey on the rocks (my third). You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about 2012. It really sucked, didn’t it? Stop and think about it for a minute, did anything good happen this year to anyone but Psy? Not really. However, it certainly was a wild, memorable ride. Perhaps it was the looming threat of the end of the world. It could be the heavy buzz I’ve got going, but I feel like looking back on the biggest stories of this year. Grab a drink and join me, won’t you?

January:

Swingin’ Gingrich
Marianne Gingrich made her ex-husband, Newt, look even worse by dropping the bombshell that he wanted to have an open marriage. Apparently this is worse than asking your wife for a divorce when she’s recovering from cancer treatments in the hospital. Mitt Romney didn’t see what the big deal is–you can have more than one wife, right?

Also, they battle Hitler
In a story that can only end well, scientists in New York made “supersoldier” ants. I’m not really sure why this was so important to do, but now there are ants with really large heads. Their heads are so large that they are able to block the entrances to their nest when it comes under attack. Also, they do this really cool shield-throwing trick.

Equal time rule
A year away from inauguration day, and President Barack Obama was out on the campaign trail. He was raising funds, and he’d do just about anything for your money. At The Apollo, he noted that Rev. Al Green was in the audience, and did his own version of “Let’s Stay Together,” well a few bars of it, anyway. And he’s got the chops for it, too. The American public got to hear his pipes more along the campaign trail when he sang “Red Solo Cup” in Missouri. Continue reading You Missed It: End of 2012 edition

Eat My Sports: NFL predictions edition

Bust out your Michael Vick jersey, a case of Miller Lite and prepare to gain 20 pounds, IT’S FOOTBALL SEASON! How will it all pan out? So glad you asked. My sports knowledge and ability to guestimate gives you predictions for every division, team and eventual playoff outcomes. Let’s ride.

NFC East

The NFC East was supposed to be the new “it” divisions last year, shortly before it lived up to expectations in 2008 the way Angelina Jolie tanked in Changeling. Now in 2009 the East is down to one good team, two teams that got rid of egomaniacal receivers, and the Redskins. Don’t be surprised when this team yields only one playoff bid this year.

The Call: Philadelphia Eagles 12-4

The Rest: New York Giants 9-7, Dallas Cowboys 8-8, Washington Redskins 5-11

NFC South

Another pretender division that choked like a British nanny as the weather got colder. Yes, I predicted the Saints to go to the Super Bowl last year, but injuries and NO DEFENSE prevented that. This year you have an aging Carolina squad, New Orleans’ offense, a terrible Tampa team and an Atlanta franchise that will probably get a second year hangover from Matt Ryan, I mean he is still only a year out of college, hangovers happen my friend. The bottom line is you could make an argument for any of these teams, simply because the division is so bad. So pick the least heinous person to make out with at this party, because this one isn’t pretty.

The call: Atlanta Falcons 10-6,

The rest: New Orleans Saints 8-8, Carolina Panthers 7-9, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 6-10 Continue reading Eat My Sports: NFL predictions edition

OH SNAP! It’s not over until it red-rings!

We’re no stranger to athletes needing cause for attention and thus making insanely large jackasses of themselves regularly in the public spotlight. So, of course, when recently signed Seattle Seahawk, T.J. Houshmandzadeh found out his rating on Madden NFL 10 was only a 91, he became upset. And decided to let the world know that he was upset. Because you’re apparently allowed to do that when you make more than a million dollars a year, even in this economy.

EA Tiburon wasn’t having any of that. Nuh-uh.

Just last week, two developers for the game, Ian Cummings and Donny Moore went on to ESPN First Take to set the record straight. Houshmandzadeh (thank you copy and paste combinations) also appeared on the show.

It was predictably anti-climactic. No names were dropped, no fists were thrown (a little hard with Houshmandzadeh appearing via telephone, mind you), no challenges were uttered, but a resolution was sorted of sorts. Houshmandzadeh (once again, thank you Command + V) wishes very much for a mid-season update. Let’s just hope he’s earning his money by Week 9.

NFL player not content with $2 million a year, boycotts Madden

The annual Madden ratings are a big deal to football players-and for the particularly egotistical ones, it’s natural to feel that the game doesn’t properly assess their talents. For the rest of us, it tends to fall under the criteria of Internet ridiculousness.

This one easily crosses a bit too far into absurdity.

Seattle Seahawks wide receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh feels that Madden NFL 10 has underrated him at a 91. So, in a show of protest, he declared on Colin Cowherd’s ESPN Radio show recently that he won’t be playing the game.

Houshmandzadeh had played his entire career for the Cincinnati Booooo-ngals Bengals until he signed with the Seahawks during the recent off-season, and what’s the first thing he did, before even playing a preseason game in a Seahawks uniform? Why, blame his former team for his shortcomings, of course:

“Man, they don’t get my rating right … I just looked at the game and they have this wrong and that wrong. And I understand I averaged 10 yards a catch [in 2008], but it’s the offense, man, not me.”

In case you were wondering, this year’s edition of Madden lists Houshmandzadeh as the sixth-best receiver in the NFC; the five players ranked above him (co-cover athlete Larry Fitzgerald, Steve Smith, Anquan Boldin, Roddy White, and Calvin Johnson) each had at least two more touchdowns than he did in 2008, and he’s the only one of the six who didn’t have at least 1,000 yards receiving. If this were a LOLCAT, it would be picture saying “FAIR RATING IS FAIR.”

Of course, he claims he’s better than the numbers say he is, even though sports video game ratings are generally based on the prior year’s statistical performance, and he’s adamant that EA Tiburon has wronged him.

“I’m not playing Madden no more, until they get my rating right,”

he whines. Awwww, pobrecito.