Clark can’t save you now

If you weren’t aware of it by now, Cousin Eddie, also known by his slave name as Randy Quaid, is a bit crazy. That’s not an actual medical diagnosis (we’d save that for the dear and knowledgeable Dr. Snee), but it’s fairly accurate enough. You see, there’s been a bit of a man-hunt for both Randy and his wife, Evi, as the two have been alleged to be illegal squatters of property.

Recently though, Randy and Evi were found in Vancouver. When questioned by Canadian officials regarding their behavior, Randy stated:

he and his wife are seeking asylum there because eight of their close friends, including Australian actor Heath Ledger, have been murdered in the US and they don’t want to be next.

Such an insidious plot! People, we can’t make this up, because some people are doing that for us. Here’s the real secret conspiracy: The green stuff will kill you but the brown slop won’t.