Perry creates job at Department of Energy

“I just created a job! You’re welcome, America.”

Rick Perry begins the confirmation process Thursday for a position that, had he won the presidency in 2012, would not exist today: leading the Department of Energy. In 2011, he felt that the DOE had only one function — giving oil barons migraines — but, he’s changed his tune now that he discovered one more function: giving him a job.

‘My past statements made over five years ago about abolishing the Department of Energy do not reflect my current thinking,’ Perry said in prepared remarks planned for delivery at his confirmation hearing. ‘In fact, after being briefed on so many of the vital functions of the Department of Energy, I regret recommending its elimination.’

In Perry’s defense, he never actually said that he would get rid of the only serious job offer he’s received since putting on nerd specs for his LinkedIn profile picture. He said he would eliminate “Commerce, Education and the um …”

See? The DOE lives thanks to the leadership presented by then failed presidential candidate Perry. So, when you think about it, who better to usher it into its post-relevancy era?

Take it from Snee: Yes I can (serve on your cabinet)

So, the election is over, which means President-elect Barack Obama has until Jan. 20 to appoint his cabinet. If he fails to do so, then history will remember him as “that guy who didn’t have a Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.”

I just want you to know, Mr. President, that I won’t let that happen. If you get into a pinch, I am qualified to fill any of the following positions.

(Oh, but don’t call my current employer, OK? My boss doesn’t know I’m considering cabinet positions.) Continue reading Take it from Snee: Yes I can (serve on your cabinet)