Tag: sega

MasterChugs Theater: ‘House of the Dead’

Awful April begins, and boy do we have a doozy. German director Uwe Boll is one of the few to succeed in making most people cower in terror. Sadly, not because the movie we’re gonna take a look at is a scary movie per se, more that $12,000,000 was wasted on such a celluloid abomination. House of the Dead is that rare beast that goes beyond bad and then beyond “so bad it’s good” into its own little niche where even the most die-hard horror fans fear to tread.

When talking about this movie, think “so bad it’s irredeemable”.

Want to know why? Are you a hardcore masochist? Figure out for yourself the answer to both questions and just hit the jump already. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘House of the Dead’

Invisible light beams are the deadliest beams of all

A man, looking to collect on a debt, broke into the house of 60-year-old woman in Brazil’s Federal District, holding her hostage for ten hours on the business end of a Sega Light Phaser.

Let’s repeat that: a man, looking to collect on a debt, broke into the house of 60-year-old woman in Brazil’s Federal District, holding her hostage for ten hours on the business end of a Sega Light Phaser.

Not the Sega Genesis Menacer, which — when fully combined — looks vaguely like a Nerf gun meets bazooka, but the Sega Master System’s Light Phaser. A 22 year old plastic gun that looked like a weapon out of Laser Challenge. You want to know what the business end of a Light Phaser is? Air.

Luckily, the man let his hostage go, unharmed, after negotiating with police (and displaying a pair of deadly but totally lame for carving a chicken knives). Of course, this was only after he beat the high score.

FYI, you might have to use Google Translator to read the page.

Fighting the growing threats of animals, teenagers

If there’s one thing the Sega Genesis taught a generation, it’s that hedgehogs are speedy, blue creatures that wear only shoes and gloves–they are not toys. But what we often forget is that they are still animals, and because they are animals, they want to kill us.

Hedgehogs have spiny backs that protect them from Dr. Robotnik’s evil robots sent to destroy them. They also have powers of mind control, as a man in New Zealand found out recently. For some reason, he picked up a hedgehog, which was curled up because it was revving up to get enough speed to make it around the loop, and threw it at a teenager.

The man was charged with assault with a weapon. The teen, whose leg was injured in the attack, is fine, but the happiest news is that the hedgehog is dead.

Side note: It is with great sadness that The Guys report the death of Bryan Schools, who passed away from blog-related illness. We will miss you, Bryan. Have a drink with Jesus for us.