The SG Guarantee

If you’ve ever used the Internet read the news today, then you might be having trouble trusting what you read online. At least 17 percent of respondents managed to not lie to an online survey long enough to admit that they lie about who they are online.

If you think that number is low, be aware that this survey was conducted by Norton, who has a hard time tracking down viruses, much less people who lie about:

  • Having a 9-inch wiener.
  • Their time as an Army Ranger.
  • The research behind their paranormal studies/religious expertise/conspiracy theory.
  • Totally not using a Mac right now.

The Guys just want to reassure you right now that we are who we say we are: Will Smith’s backup dancers. To be honest, though, we didn’t all dance for him at the same time.

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy’

Anchorman is a movie that’s special to SeriouslyGuys. Many a Friday and Saturday night in Radford would be spent with at least the four of us, if not the extended SeriouslyFamily, coming back from our favorite bar (BT’s ’til we D.I.E) and relaxing with the movie. Mind you, many a Friday and Saturday evening in Radford would be spent with the four of us standing around in the bar, quoting the entire verbatim. It just resonates with us.

And since this week, SG is celebrating its four year anniversary, we here thought that it might be good to reflect on the movie. We’re not necessarily the self-congratulating type of people (we’d much rather tell you that we’re good and have you believe us, rather than come up with something in order to fulfill that prophecy), but instead, we just wanted to give you all a peek into what makes us tick and where our roots lie-large conch shells. And so, I give you four perspectives on Anchorman and why we love it. Enjoy. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy’

Was Rick Snee right again?

Last Wednesday, columnist Rick Snee gave it to you about the pronunciation of “2010” (again). And while he routinely projects volleys of predictions in these pieces, hoping one of them may stick, it appears he’s on the cusp of being right.

On the topic of future wars in the “Twenty-Ten” chain of events, he said the following:

“But, the Future War could be with anyone or anything. Imagine fighting aliens! Or time travellers! Or maybe even Communazis! Could the British want revenge for losing Samoa in 1900?! We can only hope!

Not one week later, the Yemeni government said that Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the Nigerian charged with attempted unChristmaslike crotch behavior on a plane bound for Detroit, was “radicalised and recruited by al-Qaeda while a student in London.”

London. As in London, England. That’s where British people come from.

It appears that the U.K. is harboring terrorists. Sounds like invadin’ time to us!

It’s like the right hand and the left hand don’t know what either is doing

Yesterday, SeriouslyGuy’s very own Bryan McBournie stated that swine flu is exactly what the economy needs.

Global economic analysts would have you thinking otherwise.

We’ll stick with our guy, thank you. He’s more reliable — after all, he doesn’t have any pretentious abbreviations for spelling his name.

What’s that saying about ‘any publicity?’

SeriouslyGuys -- because you can't drink cosmos on the job.As part of this summer’s blockbuster movie fest, Sex and the City promises to be a rollicking good time for the entire family. In fact, The Guys often pretend we’re the Fab Four when drinking. We put on some strappy sandals, order nothing but cosmos and talk about all the sex we’ve had in the past week.

(McBournie insists that we call him Samantha. Schools, with his profound addiction to horserace betting, is our group’s Carrie.)

However, not everyone shares our excitement. New York’s Time Out magazine is protesting the movie because it premiered in London instead of NYC. They slapped the Sex girls hard — the way this blog understands they like it — by featuring them on the cover, but with the title of “No sex! Enough already — we love ’em, but it’s just too much.”

Just to recap: they’re protesting the movie with a Sex and the City-free issue by featuring the film’s stars on their cover. It’s obvious they haven’t read “Take it from Snee: Protest effectively or kindly go home.”

Sarah J. Parker: Sexist

Attention ladies and gentlemen: stop doing whatever it is you are doing (avoiding work) and get ready for the most serious news announcement of the day.

Sarah Jessica Parker and her husband, Inspector Gadget, are upset about Maxim’s poll that declared her the World’s Unsexist Woman.

This blog is shocked that Ms. Parker would balk at such an honor and condone ending women’s suffrage, putting them back in the kitchen and baking pies and babies. It’s self-deprecating women like these that set back the extraordinary achievements of Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Amelia Earhart.

To protest Parker’s sexist attitudes, please send your bras to SeriouslyGuys, P.O. Box 1174, Buffalo, NY 91762.

Take it from Snee: About college shootings

Today is an important milestone for SeriouslyGuys: we’ve hit the two-year mark. In the past year alone, we’ve made huge changes. We write more (which might be good or bad). We switched over to our own hosting and got rid of Blogger. We changed our look to blend more seamlessly into the AIDS quilt that is Web 2.0. We even consented to selling merch to pay for our hosting and domain. And we couldn’t do any of it without you, the reader, and your wallet.

According to some Facebook profile, Ronald Reagan said, “The right thing is not always popular, and the popular thing is not always right.” We’ve awarded the President of Our Hearts posthumous Guy status for this statement (and for eating communist babies to make more room in the world for capitalist ones).

For the past two years, The Guys have taken some tough stands that weren’t always popular. While the rest of the world TiVos Animal Planet, Planet Earth and Planet of the Apes, we advocate taking the world back for humans before its too late and we’re all speaking dolphin. Everyone believes that more education will improve America; we know that’s hogwash. A lot of “experts” out there suggest we drink in moderation; if we did that, you wouldn’t have this Web site to make your work week more bearable.

This tradition of righteousness compels me to take a stand on college shootings.

Continue reading Take it from Snee: About college shootings

MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Ladies Man’

For what it is, a 90-minute spin-off of a Saturday Night Live sketch, Reggie Hudlin’s film The Ladies Man is not bad. If you have some familiarity with some examples of this benighted genre, like Stuart Saves His Family, It’s Pat, A Night at the Roxbury or Superstar, you will take this evaluation as a giddy rave. The Ladies Man has some funny, dirty-minded jokes, a few amusing cameos (including Julianne Moore in clown makeup) and a soundtrack loaded with juicy cuts of mid-70s vintage soul and funk: a lot of Gamble and Huff, a soupcon of Isley Brothers and a plateful of Parliament’s ”Up for the Down Stroke.” Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Ladies Man’

Pixelation can’t prevent

It looks like the FCC‘s back at it again. The government group is fining Fox TV affiliates $7,000 for showing a naked bachelor party scene on some ridiculous reality show that nobody watched … but they’re only fining stations that somebody complained to. That’s 13 out of 169 in the network, which my calculator function tells me comes out to a grandiose number of one whole percent. More than that, the offensive material was fully pixelated, but still allegedly has the power to offend. Apparently, it’s OK to broadcast whatever you like as long as you never open your mail.

MasterChugs Theater: ‘El Mariachi’

To make a feature-length movie for $7,000—pocket change by Hollywood’s inflated standards—is a real achievement. But to make a good movie, one that favorably compares to the slick, big-budget studio blockbusters, for such a pittance is close to a miracle. In 1993 (or 1992, as reports vary), then novice director Robert Rodriguez wowed the Sundance Film Festival crowd with his ultra low-budget shoot’em-up El Mariachi, a fast and funny pastiche of spaghetti-western and lurid crime-drama conventions. A one-man production crew who wrote, directed, produced, edited, and shot El Mariachi, Rodriguez was warmly embraced by aspiring filmmakers for his cheerful, pragmatic approach to what he called guerrilla film making: make it dirt cheap and have fun. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘El Mariachi’