The McBournie Minute: Confessions at the end of the world

I never thought it would end like this. Then again, I’m sure that’s what everyone ever has said when their end finally comes. No one imagines how the end will come. Most of us try to ignore that there will be an end at all, really. Those who do, probably just give their best guess given the type of life they lead and various risks they take. So here we are, in the midst of our last week on Earth, and it’s nothing like I thought it would be.

First off, either the media is just suppressing reports of End of Days orgies around the world, or they simply aren’t happening. My local liquor store has yet to be looted, and there don’t seem to be any fires spreading throughout the city. This is the end of the world, and it feels shockingly like every other day. At least I can say I’ll never see 30.

But before I go, I’ve got a few things to get off of my chest. It’s confession/ rant time. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Confessions at the end of the world

Eat My Sports: Sex and the NFL

I really want to write about the Red Sox this week. That old familiar feeling has come creeping around again, and my boys did it in overly dramatic fashion by finishing off the 100-win Angels with a head-first dive into home plate by Jason Bay. However, I don’t want to tempt fate by calling any of the series this week, so we’ll save it for an Eat My Sports: World Series Edition when the time comes, regardless of if it ends up with a worst case scenario for Fox execs by having a Tampa Bay vs. Philadelphia Phillies Fall Classic. For the time being though, Jed Lowrie, you rock, and Bay, just keep on rolling baby. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Sex and the NFL

Avast! We be thwarted by the scurvy cougar/horse alliance again

These be tough time in these evil waters. Just when it appeared we be done with those lasses clearly based off of some of the less than reputable women from Singapore, the war wages on. It appears we, the male species be havin’ to deal with yet another wave from Carrie Bradshaw’s endless ocean. Candace Bushnell, who penned the Sex and the City show that aired in a box, has been licensed to pen a novel about horseface’s Bradshaw’s teen years. We only be speculatin’ that this be taken place in the Jurassic being the carbon dating of Kim Cattrall.

Winning the battles, losing to the horse

For those of you who had thought you had seen the last of the lead hooker on Sex and the City, your nightmare isn’t over. Apparently Sarah Jessica Parker, who has a close connection to the horse family, has landed a new television show.

Parker’s new venture, “American Artist,” will be picked up by Bravo in the fall. New shows for her movie castmates have not been announced, which we consider good news for men everywhere.

You Missed It: Unsung hero edition

We find ourselves here again, at the end of five consecutive work days in a row. For many, this is a cause for celebration. The Guys have no Friday plans in celebration of the end of the week. However, if you are playing in the British Open this week, odds are you missed it.

King of Beers regime change
Anheuser-Busch stockholders and executives approved a $52 billion offer from Belgian-owned brewer-giant InBev on Monday. This prompted concerns of damage to national pride and Americana across the U.S., meanwhile, Budweiser drinkers everywhere asked “What’s a Belgium?”

Insert Smashmouth song title here
Texas Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton put on a clinic in the first round of the MLB Home Run Derby at Yankee Stadium, hitting a record 28 long balls, some of which have not yet landed. However, he did not come up with the win in the final round–hey, did you hear he was hooked on drugs until he got cleaned up? The following night’s All-Star game lasted an estimated eternity before the American League won in the 15th when the Minnesota Twins’ Justin Morneau scored on a sac fly. By the way, Morneau won the home run derby.

Great time to buy a home
The federal government is going to bail out colossal mortgage lender FannieMae and Freddie Mac, after an announcement this week. See, this all started when the mortgage market, the housing market and so on starting slowing down and people started defaulting …. Sorry, we dosed off there for a second.

Can anyone stop this abomination?
Miley Cyrus said this week she wants to do a new show that would be along the lines of “Sex and the City,” but cleaner and aimed at children and teens. Right, because four female something-teens, each with their own huge Manhattan apartments, giggling over boys and what’s happening to their bodies while sipping flavored water really holds appeal.

What’s that saying about ‘any publicity?’

SeriouslyGuys -- because you can't drink cosmos on the job.As part of this summer’s blockbuster movie fest, Sex and the City promises to be a rollicking good time for the entire family. In fact, The Guys often pretend we’re the Fab Four when drinking. We put on some strappy sandals, order nothing but cosmos and talk about all the sex we’ve had in the past week.

(McBournie insists that we call him Samantha. Schools, with his profound addiction to horserace betting, is our group’s Carrie.)

However, not everyone shares our excitement. New York’s Time Out magazine is protesting the movie because it premiered in London instead of NYC. They slapped the Sex girls hard — the way this blog understands they like it — by featuring them on the cover, but with the title of “No sex! Enough already — we love ’em, but it’s just too much.”

Just to recap: they’re protesting the movie with a Sex and the City-free issue by featuring the film’s stars on their cover. It’s obvious they haven’t read “Take it from Snee: Protest effectively or kindly go home.”