Tag: sex education

It’s all or nothing in Utah

I want everyone to pay attention to me for a second. Are you sitting down? I think it’s important that you are. Okay, here I go: a logic-defying bill is about to be made a law in the state of Utah. I think I’m just as shocked as you are.

In the great state of Joseph Smith, Utahraptor ostrommaysorum and NBA dunk contest champions, a bill is being passed around that will require sex education classes to teach abstinence-only education. Which is kind of horrifying.

“We’ve been culturally watered down to think we have to teach about sex, about having sex and how to get away with it, which is intellectually dishonest,” [Representative Bill] Wright said, according to The Salt Lake Tribune. “Why don’t we just be honest with them upfront that sex outside marriage is devastating?”

It’s a good thing that opinions are clearly just opinions and not viewed as fact in Utah, right? Nnnnnh, never mind. On the plus side, now we might be able to get a future appearance of one of John Stamos’ character’s kids from his one appearance on Law & Order: SVU.

The birds and the teens

As providers of news and entertainment, The Guys listen good and hard when it comes to your tastes. In that vein, we bring you TEENAGE SEX!

Talk dirty to them
A New York City judge ruled that it was wrong for the Department of Education to suspend a sex education teacher for using vulgar terms in class. In the reading of his decision, Judge Jack Weinstein said, “At least she didn’t f#@k them.”

That’s a wrap
Washington, D.C. officials are now giving out bigger condoms to high school and college students after receiving complaints that the previous ones were too small and brittle. The male students are happier, adding that now they just need to find people to have sex with their “giant monster dongs.”

New study reveals teens still lie about sex

So, in spite of rising STD and pregnancy rates, a new study claims that abstinence-only education is “working.”

If you’re anything like the Guys, you’re probably wondering, “How is that working?” Because the study moved the goalposts.

The success of abstinence-only education is now based on how many teens have sex afterwards. You know, because it’s OK if less teens have more babies and genital warts.

It may be like saying that there’s less overall crime, but there’s more rape and murder than ever. But at least we finally got littering under control!

What do you get for the man who already has HPV?

New relationships are exciting because they’re full of “firsts”:

  • The first date
  • The first kiss
  • The first awkward transition into a 69 position
  • The first proposal of a threesome, followed immediately by
  • The first fight

But, there’s another first that’s livening up Canadian relationships (I know, Canada again?): the first transmission of the human papillomavirus or HPV.

According to a couple of studies published in in the January issues of the journal Epidemiology and the journal Sexually Transmitted Diseases, Montreal researchers found that 56 percent of their 263 female enrollees contracted HPV from their new boyfriends. 44 percent got the ones with extra sauce that can cause cancer.

The scary part is that 40 percent of those who used condoms still tested positive for HPV.

Of course, groin doctors asking patients if they used condoms is kinda like dentists asking if you floss. If they find something, you don’t want to give them “I told you so” ammo.

So, if you’re still wondering what to get your significant other for Valentine’s–just 30 shopping days left!–might we suggest looking down on yourself?