Kim Jong Un makes Snee’s Enemies List

Snee’s Enemy Number Un, riding a meal for twenty. (He’s not even that handsome, you guys.)

Two weeks ago, Rick Snee revealed his enemies list that he has been building since 1985 when People magazine started selecting a Sexiest Man Alive every year and has somehow consistently passed him over. He has not, however, put the editors of People on that list in hopes that they will one day stop being distracted by flashes in the pan like George Clooney and Johnny Depp.

And now, for the first time ever, there is a second entry within the year on his enemies list. The Onion named North Korean despot, Kim Jong Un, their Sexiest Man Alive, but they don’t count because they keep interviewing the same three people for their man-on-the-street interviews — like we wouldn’t notice! But, when the announcement made it into one of China’s official newspapers, People’s Daily Online (which sounds awfully close to People), that was close enough for impotent, wrathful listmaking.

Congratulations, Kim Jong Un! Your certificate of Rick Snee’s scorn is on its way, even if it is based on a technicality.

Take it from Snee: Welcome to My Enemies List, Channing Tatum

The Declaration of Independence guarantees every American three basic things: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I’ve worked hard to be born a U.S. citizen, and dammit, I don’t expect any more or less than those very things.

For instance, when my office designated my favorite parking space a “handicapped” zone by “law,” I recognized it for what it really was: an attempt to steal my liberty (to park in that spot) and my life (the precious minutes that I can never have back after walking 10 extra feet to the door). Fortunately, I was able to redress this injustice by printing up a fake doctor’s note.

But, there are certain assaults on my god-given American rights that I can’t correct, like when People magazine, clearly in error, passed me over yet again for their “Sexiest Man Alive” cover. People, we’ll talk next year. Channing Tatum: not so fast there, Captain Abs. You’ve just made My Enemies List.  Continue reading Take it from Snee: Welcome to My Enemies List, Channing Tatum

Take it from Snee: Shut up, actors

Look, actors, you can't ALL be Arnold.You know what irks me?  Having to apologize to myself whenever I watch a movie starring Tim Robbins, Susan Sarandon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Edward Norton, John and Joan Cusack, Martin Sheen, Darryl Hannah, Edward James Olmos, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, George Clooney, Christopher Reeves or any other politically-involved actor.

The same internal dialogue happens during the opening credits:

“OK, Rick.  You’re just watching their movie.  You’re not really paying them, more like paying their producers who only want you to see explosions and sequels. 

“Just pretend you didn’t accidentally read how they’re really into environmentalism, peace or walking again.  (Thank god the ‘Superman’s Grounded’ hoopla is over and done with!)  All you wanted to do was find out they were voted ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ again or made a sex tape to Google later. 

“It’s not your fault they told you things you didn’t want to hear.  You can just watch this movie where they read lines like the meat robots they actually are.” Continue reading Take it from Snee: Shut up, actors