Double standards haven’t been this rough since Susan B. Anfernee

It’s well established that standards for sexual attractiveness in men and women differ, and would seem to have done so well along the way back down the evolutionary chain; an older, established male has a stronger troupe, while younger females have more breeding years in them.

In New Zealand, it just means that older women tend to fly a lot more.

Old language dies hard

Coming Soon: The SG flash game, "Pelosi Gavel Rampage!"Members of the National Republican Congressional Committee showed their old-timey hands in a press release this week.

The congresspeople condemned House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s thoughts about Afghanistan, stating that they “could only hope [Gen. Stanley A.] McCrystal is able to put her in her place” [emphasis ours].

This raises several questions:

1. What is Speaker Pelosi’s place? Is it to vote with Republicans? That wouldn’t make sense. Could it be back in California where she wouldn’t be the Speaker of the House anymore? Or would they be safer if she was in her kitchen?

2. Why does she need to go wherever her place is? Did she interrupt a man? Show a little too much spunk? Is it her “time of the month,” which is totally gross to think about?

3. Why can’t the Republican side of congress put her in “her place” themselves? Why do they need to bother the commander of U.S. troops in Afghanistan? Or is she too much woman for pansy-ass civilians to handle?

Take it from Snee: An open letter to Sarah Palin

Hey, Sarah.

Look, I know we’ve had our differences in the past. You wanted to be vice president, and I wanted an Earth where there’s no country ass-backwards enough to let that happen. Tomato/tobacco, right?

I’m not writing this to discuss the last election. Bygones are bygones … Well, except you’re not bygone, bygod, now are you? In fact, it seems like you want to be President in 2012 if your non-Alaskan activities are to be interpreted correctly.

This would be a huge mistake. You see, I’ve learned some things about you from last year that you appear to have not. Please, let me rectify this oversight in hopes that you might become a peaceful, and maybe better, person. Continue reading Take it from Snee: An open letter to Sarah Palin

Military gets gay over soldiers’ feelings

OK, so there’s talk that President Obama might lift the ban on gays in the military — you know, because there definitely aren’t any gays or lesbians in the military right now.

The hold-up to lifting any such ban is that there are soldiers who will have a problem with it.

This, of course, makes perfect sense, since the military can’t order soldiers to serve with people they don’t like, right? We’re sure that racist soldiers don’t have to serve with openly black soldiers, right? And sexist soldiers don’t have to serve with women, correct?

Sure, there was that one time a Protestant soldier had to serve with Catholic and Jewish platoon mates, but we all had a laugh about that … eventually.

Fortunately, today’s military worries about the special interests of her soldiers, protecting them from the big scary gays, so they can serve in s–tholes like Iraq without fear (or understanding).

Men pay two-thirds more than women at bars

Judge Miriam Goldman Cedarbaum (a lady) ruled that Ladies’ Night is not discriminatory against men. She threw out a lawsuit in Manhattan’s federal court on the grounds “that nightclubs are not representatives of the state.”

Oh, really, your honor? Where do bars get their liquor licenses? And where are the state-owned liquor establishments?

Attorney Roy Den Hollander, whose case was thrown out, did not fail to notice the judge’s gender, either.

“He called the judge a feminist and said her dismissal of his lawsuit was consistent with the discrimination embedded in many of America’s institutions.”

When? When will men be free from discrimination? Probably never, because women are pigs.

The McBournie Minute: Equality and equal treatment are not the same

The other day I heard a commercial on the radio during my morning commute for, an Obama campaign voter registration and information site. It was basically just a bunch people naming why they were registering to vote (aside from the fact that like Livestrong bracelets in 2004, it’s the in thing now). One of them toward the end of the commercial was a young woman saying “Because I can’t stand living in a world where I make less than a man.”

That statement, and the driver cutting me off, caused me to yell at my dashboard. You see, men make more for a reason, actually, several reasons, and while this statement attacked the unjust practices of the world, let’s focus on just the U.S. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Equality and equal treatment are not the same

MasterSnee Theater: Why ‘Casablanca?’

Chugs is busy moving into his new swingin’ pad, so Rick is filling in for this week’s “MasterChugs Theater.”

What is it with movie reviewers and Casablanca? Anytime they review a movie that concerns war, love, smoking, corrupt police or film, this move gets brought up. In fact, I’d wager Chug’s left testicle that Casablanca is brought up more often than The Godfather and Citizen Kane in regards to American classics.

So, while Chugs gets cleaned up for extraction, I’m going to explore that 60-year-old question: of all the movies in all the genres in all the world, why did she pick Casablanca? Continue reading MasterSnee Theater: Why ‘Casablanca?’

Tired-looking Clinton scolds sexist press

Looking a little time-worn and shrewish, former First Lady and current Senator and presidential contender Hillary Clinton nagged The Washington Post about sexist press coverage in this election.

“It does seem as though the press at least is not as bothered by the incredible vitriol that has been engendered by the comments by people who are nothing but misogynists,” said Mrs. Clinton, who could use a touch of anti-aging cream and perhaps a push-up bra.

Mrs. Clinton went on to say something about her feelings, but this blog was distracted by some sports announcement. She also probably yaked the reporter’s ear off about family ailments and what her daughter’s been up to.

She did not cite any specific examples, just some intuition she had that people don’t like women. There’s no word whether Mrs. Clinton will release any of the facts gathered by male employees in her campaign.

A Day in the Life of a 911 Operator

No matter how exciting of a job we have, eventually it becomes mundane. There’s nothing unconscionable about becoming desensitized to, say, emergency savings withdrawals or organizing a staff potluck. But we still feel bad because that’s what we’re paid to do (read: supposed to care about).

So can you imagine how a 911 operator must feel when the honeymoon’s over? One in Memphis actually fell asleep during a robbery call. In the interest of giving the benefit of doubt, we present: A Day in the Life of a 911 Operator. Continue reading A Day in the Life of a 911 Operator