Warrior of the Week: Guy bitten by snake, bear, shark

Once bitten, twice shy, thrice … cursed?

The animals of the world clearly have it out for Dylan McWilliams, a 20-year-old from Colorado. While on vacation in Hawaii last week he was bitten by a shark. Luckily, he was able to make it back to shore and received a few stitches to his leg. But that wasn’t his first run-in with a deadly animal.

Last year, McWilliams was teaching a survival skills course in his home state when a bear wandered over and attacked him. McWilliams taught his students how to survive a bear attack that day, as at one point the bear had his head in its mouth. Authorities later hunted down and killed the bear. And even that wasn’t McWilliams’ first animal attack.

While hiking in Utah several years ago, he was bitten by a rattlesnake. Fortunately, there wasn’t much venom released, and the dose he got only sickened him for a while.

Congratulations, Dylan McWilliams, you are a shining example to mankind. But you may want to figure out why you’re so tasty.

Warrior of the Week: Dean Brougham

We don’t see enough fighters anymore. No, I’m not talking about MMA or Brazilian jujitsu or UFC or anything like that-I’m talking about actual fighting. The sporty kind that involves men wearing striped unitards and handlebar mustaches. Pugilism is honestly a lost art. No puts up their dukes anymore, and that’s sad, because you never know when you might need those special skills.

You know who didn’t forget the lost art of putting them up, putting them up? Dean Brougham. The man was out spear-fishing when a shark viciously attacked him. When the shark latched onto him, Brougham did some attacking of his own, punching it over and over in the mouth. He punched it so much that the shark let go of him and swam away.

That is easily the most bad-ass sentence that I’ve ever written in my life.

He lost no appendages in the battle. Brougham is currently recuperating with all signs pointing to a good recovery.

“I just started beating it, just trying to get rid of it, and then it let me go and then I was just straight towards the cliffs,” he said.

If I were him, I’d get that statement written on some business cards. Because sometimes the truth is awesome.

Courtesy of Groonk

You win some, you lose some

We have finally figured out how to eliminate those annoying dolphins as a species (aside from humiliating them to death for tourist shows). SeaWorld, the world’s largest chain for aquatic gulags, has managed to kill a dolphin as part of its show.

Sharky the dolphin was performing some sort of aerial stunt when it hit another dolphin in a mid-air collision. Now THAT’s entertainment! In the War on Animals, it is always great to see people showing initiative and eliminating the great dolphin threat.

Sadly, we lost one of our boys on the West Coast recently. An animal trainer in California paid the ultimate price in this crazy, mixed-up war, when a “friendly” grizzly bear he was wrestling with bit him on the neck. We proudly salute our fallen comrade. May he go where the bears and their hunts for picanic baskets cannot reach him.

Finally, many of our readers have been clamoring for mention of the shark attack in San Diego last week. There, we said it.