Nostalgia-crazed snake on a plane

The internet has been a place where people can come together to laugh and promote awful ideas for a fair amount of its existence. Long before Boaty McBoatface or pretty much every online poll to name anything ever, there was 2006’s Snakes on a Plane.

The film marked Samuel L. Jackson’s full transformation into a living meme, and is probably why we ended up with those Sharknado movies. The problem is that the movie shone a spotlight on a huge security risk for all the animals to see. That’s why a decade later we’re still seeing stories about snakes on planes. This time a passenger left his snake on a local Alaska airline, and it was found during the following flight.

Luckily for passengers, the snake wasn’t venomous, and flight attendants caught it and locked it in a storage bin until the plane was safely on the ground.

Since we’re here, let’s take a trip back to 2006 with a demonstrational video on how to smuggle snakes onto a plane.

You Missed It: Fat pants edition

Pictured: The Quizno's diet.
Pictured: The Quizno’s diet.

Despite the thousands of songs trying to convince me otherwise, I’m pretty glad I don’t live in California. The state is constantly under threat of wildfires, earthquakes, smog, and now there’s a huge drought. Years of little rain has put California in a water emergency, and Tom Selleck got shamed for stealing water from a fire hydrant. Best of all, a P.I. was the one who caught him. If you were busy winning the World Cup this week, odds are you missed it.

Subway apparently grosser than we thought
This week, Subway put its relationship with longtime spokesman Jared Fogle on hold after police searched his home in relation to the former head of his nonprofit was arrest on child pornography charges. In addition, Fogle was cut out of the upcoming¬†Sharknado 3. Worst of all, the NCAA has vacated all of Subway’s wins going back to 1999.

Ariana Grande likes frosting, hates U.S.
A video surfaced this week of singer Ariana Grande licking doughnuts she didn’t pay for at a doughnut shop. She then turns to a dancer she’s hanging out with and says “I hate America.” Grande apologized for her actions this week, but it’s too soon to know if people have forgiven her. To most Americans, if you mock their doughnuts and say you hate their country, you might as well have joined ISIS.

Voters like guy from that show
Despite losing deals with NBC, Univision, the PGA and Chef Jose Andres for derogatory comments made about Mexicans, Donald Trump’s polling numbers are surging among Republicans early in the primary season. People seem to be surprised by this, and I don’t understand why. A rich, loud, old white man spouting off whatever unfounded biases come into his mind is the symbol of the Republican party. The only way his supporters will turn on him is if he says he doesn’t like hot dogs as his pizza crust.

The McBournie Minute: Actors to replace Paul Walker, ranked

A little over a week ago, we lost one of the greatest actors of our time. Paul Walker’s death reminds us all that our time here is short. To just about everyone, that means cramming as much entertainment into our lives as we can. That’s why, in just a few days, the public’s reaction to the news went from sadness to thoughts about the next Fast & Furious movie.

Sure, there were people who shared their thoughts about his work. There were articles published about how Walker did all sorts of charity work, but didn’t really want to advertise it. But when that silliness was over, people got down to what really mattered to them: What about the movie they were working on?

While no one can replace the acting talent of Walker, the franchise does need someone to take over as Brian O’Connor, the racer-turned-cop-turned-racer. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Actors to replace Paul Walker, ranked

You Missed It: Off into the sunset edition

This is the tale of Capt. Jack Tonto.
This is the tale of Capt. Jack Tonto.

I haven’t seen SyFy’s Sharknado movie yet, but apparently a lot of you did. The TV B-movie blew expectations away. Apparently it’s about a bunch of sharks caught up in a tornado … and Tara Reid. Does the federal government have a plan in place should this really happen one day? Sequester be damned, I want a plan! If you were busy leaving the Church of Scientology this week, odds are you missed it.

He’s not “lone” if he has a sidekick
The Lone Ranger had the same line-up as the first Pirates of the Caribbean movies, Jerry Bruckheimer producing, Gore Verbinski directing, and Johnny Depp playing the quirky character who’s not the main character but is focused on for much of the movie anyway. And it bombed. Disney put about $225 million into the film, and it took in only $49 million for its opening weekend. In all, it was a victory for race relations.

Thanks, Canada
Arguably, the person who had the biggest week was … *sigh* Justin Bieber. First, he put a hex on the Chicago Blackhawks by getting his picture taken with the Stanley Cup in the team’s locker room. Then, a video surfaced of him peeing into a mop bucket at a restaurant shouting, “F&$# Bill Clinton!” Clinton advised Bieber’s legions of female fans to do so.

Ice Cream Truckers
It’s summer, and that means ice cream trucks. In Washington, D.C. this week, an armed man carjacked an ice cream truck and got away, despite the music making it easy for police to follow him. Then, in upstate New York, a man known around town as “Mr. Ding-A-Ling” was arrested on suspicion of DUI after his ice cream truck swerved into oncoming traffic. Any day a guy in your community with that nickname is arrested, and it’s not related to sexual assault, is a good day.