Warrior of the Week: Greg LeNoir

It’s not easy being lonely. I mean, life can be pretty weird if you’re single. It’s probably even worse for those that are married. One might think initially that with all the time that you and your significant other spend together, that you wouldn’t be lonely in the slightest. Au contraire, brown bear. Perhaps that’s how it is in the beginning, but once the years start to mount up, being lonely is all that one can do to not kill each other. At least, that’s what I hear.

So, it’s understandable that when the life of whatever may be closest to Greg LeNoir is threatened, he takes action. If what is closest to him is his prized toy rat terrier, then it’s kind of weird, but still understandable. If the action that must be taken requires him to kick logic to the curb, stick to his crazy guns and punch a shark in the face to save the dog, then it’s not understandable. No, it’s seven shades of bad-ass.

That’s right-Greg LeNoir of Florida, a mile mannered carpenter, jumped into the water to save his toy dog. Using his hardened and callused hands of power, he punched the shark over and over until it gave him back what was his. There have been only two people in history beforehand to have taken it to sharks in such a manner-Chuck Norris and Batman.

If LeNoir was fighting a ghost shark, then he clearly wouldn’t have been afraid of no gho-wait. Just hold on a minute. What do you mean that “the dog was real”? Wait, so he risked his life to save an animal from another animal? But it looks so not alive. I mean, that dog looks like it’s stuffed five ways to Sunday.

Aw man, I just don’t know what to think anymore.

Tastes like chicken

Everyone has seen Jaws, I’m assuming. The tale (pun intended) of a blood-thirsty shark willing to kill Richard Dreyfus at any cost. But then again, isn’t that in theory all of us? I know I never forgave him for Mr. Holland’s Opus. Anyways, from this film (Jaws, not Opus, keep up) we learned what science and The Discovery Channel had yet to inform us of: sharks are deadly and they eat people. Don’t let A Shark’s Tale or Finding Nemo fool you, we have a conspiracy theory that Disney may in fact be working with the animals, see: Mickey, Goofy, Donald and some rabid chipmunks named after male strippers.

However, the shark from this story in Hawaii has a refined palate apparently too good for us. After a taste of Todd Murashige, the shark decided he would go on his merry way for a tastier snack than the local surfer.

Seacrest, ouch

It looks as though as the shark population struggles against the crushing weight of our inevitable victory, the beasts get more and more desperate. They are so desperate now that they are trying to buy us off by going after humans we don’t like.

Recently, Ryan Seacrest said he was the victim of a recent shark attack while he was on vacation. According to the American Idol host, a small shark swam up, bit him and swam off. The attack was so bad, he said, that he needed to take a few Advil that night. Likely he has also undergone counseling.

It is clearly an act of desperation, and The Guys will never bow to such attempts of bribery, especially ones that are not successful. However, if the sharks, and the animal population as a whole, still think we could be swayed, we could live in a world without:

  • Jon Bon Jovi
  • Tia Tequila
  • Celine Dion
  • Carson Daly

Take it from Snee: Discovery jumped the shark

As you’ve probably noticed, I’m a pretty smart guy. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that I’m downright intelligent. I eat right, I read the same three books a lot, and I only watch educational programming on television.

So what did I see when I turned on the Discovery Channel this weekend? Sharks. Nothing but sharks. Swimming killing machines as far as the TV Guide channel would scroll.

Even when a shark program wasn’t on, there were shark-themed advertisements, including plugs for their own “Shark Week” episodes of all their regular shows. Every show involves sharks now, even non-shark shows like Dirty Jobs. (Guess what they catch on this week’s Deadliest Catch? Hint: it’s actually deadly this time.)

It was with this marketing stretch that I realized something disturbing: the Discovery Channel has jumped the shark! Continue reading Take it from Snee: Discovery jumped the shark

We’re winning on some fronts

Great news, everyone! Remember those pesky sharks that used to be all over the place in the oceans, killing and eating fish and sailors who fall overboard? Me neither!

After 200 years of hard for and perservierence, we’ve nearly wiped the shark population off the map. That’s right, we’ve killed around 97 percent of the shark population. Granted, this blog is not happy that it took two centuries to get to that point, but at least we have gotten here.

Now that we have sharks on the brink, it’s time we make sure we finish the job for our fathers, our fathers’ fathers and our fathers’ fathers’ fathers.