We’re about to run out of tequila

Folks, we don’t want to alarm you, but if your weekend plans include drinking a margarita, make sure you enjoy it, because you may not get to have another one for a while. There’s a tequila shortage coming.

Just in time for Spring Break, the tequila industry in Mexico is having trouble keeping up with demand, as well as a supply crunch. Agave prices are six times higher than they were just two years ago. On top of that, the demand for tequila keeps going up. That means that distillers aren’t making the money they used to, and they don’t have enough agave plants to work with.

It’s so bad that some farmers have been forced to sell agave plants that aren’t fully mature and don’t produce as much tequila. That makes the supply shortage even worse.

And because agave plants take years to grow, it’s not likely that supply will catch up to demand any time soon. There’s always whiskey though.

Keep those panic hats on

The scariest food news to hit the country gets even worse. Leggo my frozen bachelor grub, lack of waffles.

Kellogg’s, which manufactures Eggo frozen waffles, blames the nationwide shortage on flooding that hit an Atlanta processing facility in September.

The shortage will most likely be in effect through the middle of next year, the company says.

“The Eggo team is working around the clock to bring everyone’s favorite waffles back to store shelves as quickly as possible. We hope to regain full distribution of Eggo products by the middle of 2010,” the company says on the Eggo Web site. “This is a top priority for Kellogg Company.”

In addition to the Georgia flooding, Kellogg’s says “equipment enhancements and repairs in our largest waffle bakery” contributed to the shortage.

With the loss of canned pumpkin and now the loss of Eggo waffles, we can officially put ourselves on THREAT LEVEL: FOODA.

Put on your panic hats

Libby’s Pumpkin, the company that brings all that delicious canned pumpkin filling which is then put into the delicious foods that are pumpkin anything, fears that it might not have enough canned pumpkin for the Thanksgiving holiday.

“Our calculations indicate that we may deplete our inventory of canned Libby’s pumpkin as we approach the Thanksgiving holiday,” Paul Bakus, vice president for Nestl√©’s baking division, told the New York Times.

Commercial pumpkin-producers in Midwestern states blame the shortage on heavy rains and thus overly wet fields. With little back-up supply from a lackluster 2008 pumpkin harvest, West Coast organic pumpkin growers are trying to fill the void.

Now are the end times, ladies and gentlemen. It would not be out of line for you to throw your hands up in the air and scream in horror. I know that I am.

They can’t take our ammo, only we can

In the post 100-days of Barack Obama’s presidency, gun enthusiasts are suddenly finding it hard to find ammunition.

The cause of this de facto ammo ban? Other gun owners.

Because Obama is black and must, therefore, listen to Chris Rock, they’re buying up so much of the stuff that gun shop owners are reporting that they haven’t received new shipments on certain makes for four months, including .380 (little pocket guns) and .38 Special (Colbert’s Sweetness).

So, the gun issue may be finally resolved after all: when gun owners starve to death buying $4,000 limited edition cases of Desert Eagle rounds on EBay. (Then you may pry them out of our hands.)