Tag: Shortbread

He (may have) stole the cookies from the cookie jar!

And by “cookie jar,” we still mean “large and unmarked warehouse.”

Remember that grand theft of the Girl Scout cookies? You know, the one that was only fifty percent worth it because half of the contents stolen were of the Shortbread variety (yum) and the other half were of the Thin Mint variety (ugh)?

Surprise, surprise: it was an inside job. Well, “inside job” meaning from within the warehouse, not from within the Girl Scouts. Christopher Morton, accused of the theft, has not said why he allegedly decided to steal almost $19,000 worth of cookies, including his horrible choice to grab $9,500 worth of Thin Mints.

Someone stole the cookies from the cookie jar

And by “cookie jar,” we mean “large and unmarked warehouse.”

A robber may have thought him or herself quite the genius sometime before genius when a sugary treasure trove was stumbled upon: cookies. But not just any cookies, Girl Scout cookies! Nearly $19,000 worth of them!

But ah-ha, my friend, not so much luck was had that day. Yes, nearly $19,000 worth of Girl Scout cookies were taken from a warehouse in Spartanburg, but the joke is ultimately on the robber: the brigand managed to make off with cookies of the Shortbread and (ugh) Thin Mint (ugh) varieties.

Allow us to evangelize for a second here: Thin Mints are awful! The marriage of chocolate and mint is both an abomination and a sin before God and man! It’s Adam and (St/)Eve, not Choco and Mint! Blegh!

As you can see, the robber clearly only 50 percent ahead. Have fun with that, sucker.