There’s really no way to sugarcoat this story: a Utah man was hunting over the weekend with his friend. He left his shotgun in his boat, along with his pet dog.
The dog shot his ass.
How is this not an automatic declaration of war? It was only through his human ingenuity to be wearing waders at the time that saved him from worse injuries. Take that, dogs of war.
If you have a wart, you can freeze it off. Or burn it off. Or rub a toad over it, however that old wives’ tale goes. Personally, I can’t say for sure because I’ve never had one, but I’m pretty sure at least one of those methods will work … but not nearly as efficient as a shotgun. A shotgun blast will remove the wart from the face of the Earth, as long as you don’t mind such bothersome parts of your body, like … parts of your body.
Right, Sean Murphy?
Right! Murphy had been vexed, nay, bedeviled, by the annoying bump for years and felt that enough was enough. Unfortunately (or luckily?), the wart was located on his hand, and as such, he now has a stump for a middle finger on his left hand.
The most surprising part of the story? Murphy lives in Britain, a country not known for white-trash home medicine hijinks.
As part of our ongoing coverage of “Summer is here” — which will continue until mid-October — there’s an element we’ve forgotten: driving around.
For our high school and college readers, this is the time that you and your peers are bored and will drive around, pretending that going nowhere is “something.” For the adults, this means you’re going to a lot of stores with wedding and baby registries.
Without fail on any of these excursions, an argument will arise about the rules to calling Shotgun and Rock-Paper-Scissors (or Roshambo to non-South Park viewers). We’d normally use this as an excuse to write a How To, but someone has beaten us to it and done so throughly.
We suggest sending this link to that friend that calls Shotgun during the planning stages of your Warped Tour trip in August.
“The history of calling ‘Shotgun’ goes back to the days of covered wagons and the Wild West. On a trip across the plains, the driver of a wagon would hold the reins of his horse team and concentrate on driving. This left him and the occupants of his wagon susceptible to sneak attacks from bandits and thieves. To avoid this atrocious circumstance it became necessary for one person to sit next to the driver with a shotgun and fend off the enemy.”