Yes to wetsuit, no to Batsuit nipples

We’ve grown accustomed to losing luxuries after a terrorist attack. Spider-Man doesn’t get to spin a web between the World Trade Center towers. The airport smells a bit more “Croc-y,” especially around the security area.

But, how many freedoms are we willing to surrender? Surely some loss will inspire the American people to stand up and say, “Not on my watch, motherf@%ker.”

Will that loss be wetsuit nipples from SeaWorld babes diving into the water with killer whales and then getting out of the pool?

Hasn’t Tilikum killed enough? Must he also drag dad erections down to the bottom of a metaphorical underwater tank by their less metaphorical pubic hair? We cannot allow the whales to win.

Say it ain’t soprah!

Oprah Winfrey kicked off her farewell tour, announcing that she will end her show in September 2011.

Why then? Because she feels that “it’s time.” Or, because it’ll be the 25th season, which will make all the documentaries and retrospectives easier to caption. And the historians (*snicker*) that pore over her work will refer to it as her quarter of a century.

But still, why, Oprah? What will we do? How will he get enough Oprah in our lives with only your magazine, upcoming cable network, spin-offs featuring fake experts and every other Obama news story? How!? Why?! Gayle?!?!

In other news:
You’ve spent 25 years with Oprah. How’s about you get a job now?