Why are cows eating all our Skittles?

It’s always fun to read about a truck hauling food, beer or livestock spills, and the road is littered with the cargo. But this one is different, there’s a shocking twist that you won’t see coming if you didn’t read the headline.

In Wisconsin, a whole lot of red Skittles fell out of the back of a truck and caused a mess on a county highway. Authorities were able to clean up the scene, but an unusual detail emerged in the investigation: the Skittles were intended to be used as feed for cattle.

This doesn’t seem like the typical meal for a cow, and it’s not Halloween. Have cows secretly been eating Skittles and we didn’t know about it? Do the cows have a rider stipulating only red Skittles? Does Skittles-fed beef fetch a higher price at the butcher? The situation is so alarming that Mars, the maker of Skittles is investigating why their product was reportedly being used as cattle candy.

Just wait until they hear about furries

One Million Moms, the support group for people who only want moms to be women, has found a new target to focus their seething and volatile rage upon: Skittles.

No, it’s not focused upon the grape flavored Skittles. No, it’s not focused upon the candy’s theory of tasting the rainbow. No, it’s not focused upon those horrible chocolate Skittles they released a couple years ago (though it should be, that’s how bad they were).

It’s focused upon a Skittles commercial that sees a woman kissing a CGI/animatronic walrus. While not only odd, the commercial also shows a blatant and overt campaign for bestiality.

Does Skittles’ have our children’s best interest in mind? Skittles candies are for all ages, but their target market is children… Skittles Marketing Team may have thought this was humorous, but not only is it disgusting, it is taking lightly the act of bestiality.

We’re going to take a wild guess here, but unless the Skittles marketing team consists of a bunch of mountain men that copulate with goats, I think it might be safe to say that bestiality is still considered a no-no at the company. Unless they’re all for sea bestiality.

And “sea bestiality” sounds like someone fornicating with a giant flippered monster.