According to a study published May 5 in Stroke–the medical journal, not Stroke Magazine–the following eight activities can trigger aneurysms (or those brain things that conveniently kill moms in quirky movies):
8. Drinking coffee
6. (tie) Nose-blowing
6. (tie) Exercising with gusto
5. Drinking cola
4. Getting angry
3. Pushing too hard while pooping (We can talk this way because we’re discussing a medical issue.)
1. Being surprised
What somehow didn’t make the list? Viewing it in a g%@damn slideshow.
Oh, wait. There’s the anger.
Al and Tipper Gore are calling it quits, surprising everyone only two weeks after their fortieth anniversary. While some can’t believe it happened so late in their marriage, most are amazed that they divorced before the Clintons.
In any case, the world has gained a single Al Gore, and–although we rarely get involved–we just can’t help but root the guy on.
So, if you’re single, too, and your sex life could use a human robot, have you considered Al Gore? Here’s what Al brings to the boudoir:
- Handmade anniversary gift certificates for back rubs and carbon emissions.
- Flights on his personal jet to any environmentally-endangered corner of the globe.
- The dirtiest cybersex in the kinkiest chat room on the Internet that he invented.
- Willingness to call “recounts” until sex ends in his favor.
- Leonardo DiCaprio.