Silent but deadly: Fart smell grounds plane

When you’re at 30,000 feet, you can’t just open a window to air things out. The air is recycled, which means that you’re breathing in everyone’s coughs, sneezes, burps and farts for the whole flight. And when someone really lets one rip, it can ruin your day.

Over the weekend, an American Airlines flight landed in Raleigh, North Carolina, but the plane was filled with what smelled like a nasty fart. It was so bad that crew members complained of eye irritation and headaches. The airport’s investigation of the incident blames flatulence as the cause.

The airline has refused to confirm whether farts are to blame, but insists that if such a thing were true, he who smelt it, dealt it.

Science: Your sh&t doesn’t stink — to your friends

What’s that smell? According to a new study, it’s probably coming from someone who’s not “one of you.”

Researchers have found that if you find an unpleasant scent that comes from someone who don’t deem as part of your group — however you define it — it will smell worse to you than if it was someone you know. Basically, if your friend drops a deuce in your bathroom and forgets to flush, it won’t smell as bad as when you find a random turd in the bowl at a public restroom. In fact, it actually smells worse if it’s a group of people you see yourself as in competition with.

A study of female students at a university in the U.K. generally found the sweat of a male student to be worse if they knew he went to a rival school. But they were more OK with the scent of sweat of their supposed own classmates. However, the study was pretty vague on who would be considered an outsider. So let’s just say it’s anyone you don’t see as being in your social clique at least, and at worst, possibly anyone who’s not the same gender, race, religion, sexuality, age, economic level or geographic origin as you.

So not only do we need to be self-conscious about the way we dance in public places, we have to worry that we’re stinking up the joint, too.

Science: Desire smells like that to some people

This explains why Egon had such a unique hobby.
This explains why Egon had such a unique hobby.

We live in a world where a fungus can do to your lady what you can’t.

According to a recent study, there is an unnamed fungus species that grows only around Hawaiian lava flows that are hundreds of years old. Apparently it’s learned a few things, because it can make women have an orgasm with a single smell. The fungus was first discovered in 2001, but better research on the fungus was delayed (let’s blame 9/11). We now know that about half of women tested had a spontaneous climax. Male subjects had nothing.

This is an opportune time to introduce The Guys’ new cologne, “Fungus of the Fire Rock.” Look for it in stores this holiday season.

Space smells like Bender’s shiny, metal ass

We know a couple of things about space. It’s black. It stiffles screams. But, what does it smell like?

NASA has hired scent chemist Steve “Hawknose” Pearce to recreate the smell of space via chemical analysis and astronaut’s recollections. (Whether the spacemen get that far-off look in their eyes as they recall moments of post-space walk undressing has little to no effect on the results.)

So far, we know that it smells metallic like welded electronics, sulfurous and a little bit like rum … so it’s Bender. And, Pearce previously worked out what the inside of the space station Mir smelled like: sweat, body odor and vodka thanks to Russian cosmonauts.

We look forward to both of these joining Yankee Candle’s baffling line of candles for men who secretly love candles, but want them to smell like leather and grass clippings.

Brown-nosers

In our ongoing War on Animals, one species stands out as an ally: dogs. Dogs are willing to do anything to appear on our side, from hunting other animals to helping our blind people win at Whack-A-Mole and even sniffing out the bombs that our cats placed in our luggage when they packed for our flights.

But, like any good illusion, it’s all believable until they take it too far. Sniffing our butts for colon cancer is that line, and you’ve dragged your butts across it, you canine colonoscopers, you.

The U.N. stinks

The U.N. Security Council and General Assembly were evacuated from their Manhattan headquarters Tuesday for the world’s first smell day.

After spending several hours in the cold outside, making fun of each others’ cooking, the delegates were finally let back in when it was determined the odor was nothing dangerous.

Authorities believe the smell was a combination of factors stemming from the East River and sewage lines, but Pakistan still insists that India has “the curriest curry farts that ever curried.”

No more high scores for that reefer smoker

Here are SeriouslyGuys, we like to inform the general populace on how not to live your life, usually using examples found in society. Today will be no different, as an argument between a pothead and his live-in gamer buddy will educate us on how not to resolve our differences as these two do.

According to Seattle police, after one too many disagreeable bong-hitting sessions, the roommate who gets high only on life (and his gamerscore–and quite possibly crack, too) shattered said bong on the sidewalk. Bong-smasher was met the next day with a wet Xbox that “smelled like urine” and controllers that were partially glued to … something. No arrests have been made, though cries throughout the Internet have been made, all uttering distasteful comparisons to “Marijuana Jones and his mad HAX”.