Space smells like Bender’s shiny, metal ass

We know a couple of things about space. It’s black. It stiffles screams. But, what does it smell like?

NASA has hired scent chemist Steve “Hawknose” Pearce to recreate the smell of space via chemical analysis and astronaut’s recollections. (Whether the spacemen get that far-off look in their eyes as they recall moments of post-space walk undressing has little to no effect on the results.)

So far, we know that it smells metallic like welded electronics, sulfurous and a little bit like rum … so it’s Bender. And, Pearce previously worked out what the inside of the space station Mir smelled like: sweat, body odor and vodka thanks to Russian cosmonauts.

We look forward to both of these joining Yankee Candle’s baffling line of candles for men who secretly love candles, but want them to smell like leather and grass clippings.

Brown-nosers

In our ongoing War on Animals, one species stands out as an ally: dogs. Dogs are willing to do anything to appear on our side, from hunting other animals to helping our blind people win at Whack-A-Mole and even sniffing out the bombs that our cats placed in our luggage when they packed for our flights.

But, like any good illusion, it’s all believable until they take it too far. Sniffing our butts for colon cancer is that line, and you’ve dragged your butts across it, you canine colonoscopers, you.

The U.N. stinks

The U.N. Security Council and General Assembly were evacuated from their Manhattan headquarters Tuesday for the world’s first smell day.

After spending several hours in the cold outside, making fun of each others’ cooking, the delegates were finally let back in when it was determined the odor was nothing dangerous.

Authorities believe the smell was a combination of factors stemming from the East River and sewage lines, but Pakistan still insists that India has “the curriest curry farts that ever curried.”

No more high scores for that reefer smoker

Here are SeriouslyGuys, we like to inform the general populace on how not to live your life, usually using examples found in society. Today will be no different, as an argument between a pothead and his live-in gamer buddy will educate us on how not to resolve our differences as these two do.

According to Seattle police, after one too many disagreeable bong-hitting sessions, the roommate who gets high only on life (and his gamerscore–and quite possibly crack, too) shattered said bong on the sidewalk. Bong-smasher was met the next day with a wet Xbox that “smelled like urine” and controllers that were partially glued to … something. No arrests have been made, though cries throughout the Internet have been made, all uttering distasteful comparisons to “Marijuana Jones and his mad HAX”.