Tag: smoking

Ssssssmoking!

Smoking is bad for your health (perhaps you’ve heard?), but people smoke anyway. They’re hooked. They wish they could quit, but the allure of having your breath and hands smell bad is just too tempting. We know how it is. Some of The Guys are smokers. Unfortunately, that gives people like Rick Snee and Bryan Schools something in common with the enemy.

In Taiwan, Po the pit viper also enjoys the sweet, sweet taste of toasted nicotine. His owner also has the habit of smoking, which is what got the snake into it. He used to throw butts on the ground, and Po would slither over to them, apparently liking the feel of it in his mouth. Before he knew it, Po was smoking two a day. To be fair, it’s a comfort thing. The snake only feels comfortable with a smoke in one hand and a drink in the other.

(Get it?)

The pink elephant in the room

Americans have made great strides in quitting smoking … well, some Americans.

It turns out that a large percentage of modern smokers don’t support a daily habit nicotine habit, but smoke cigarettes “part-time.” Researchers are trying to figure out why people occasionally indulge in something that’s dangerous, tastes good, relieves stress and gives you something to do with your hands when surrounded by strangers. (In other news: people still eat Hot Pockets between trips to McDonald’s.)

But, of all the scenarios that The Wall Street Journal lays out, they left out the most obvious prompt for casual smokers to indulge: drinking.

It’s well known that booze and smokes go hand-in-hand. Alcohol shares all of the same benefits listed above with tobacco, but also blocks out shameful memories when you go too far with it.

What’s interesting, though, is that the article only focuses on cigarettes. Why not cigars or pipes? What about hookah? It’s pretty obvious that whoever did this research clearly does not smoke.

Paging Dr. Obvious, paging Dr. Obvious

Sharks: the scourge of our next generation.A New England Journal of Medicine study is blowing the roof off of the house that is everything we understand about medical science.

Now that smoking rates are down, everyone should be healthier, right? That’s what we always heard.

However, the obesity rate is still rising. So, while lower smoking rates raised the average life expectancy for current 18-year-olds by 0.31 years, obesity lowered it back down 1.02 years.

So, after all that quitting, we finally learned that if (a) one thing doesn’t kill you, (b) something else will.

Also, maybe you were better off smoking?

Smoke gets in Va. smokers’ eyes

Smokers in Virginia are certainly not crying today as their rule over restaurants and bars comes to a measured end.

Governor Tim Kaine will sign a bill today that will restrict all statewide smoking to little petting zoos with separate ventilation and, presumably, wait staff. This is the toughest anti-smoking law to date … in any of the five tobacco-producing states.

The Guys give this new law exactly three days before indignant Virginia smokers (including those who smoke Slims) invoke Brown v. Board of Education to contest their new “separate but equal” status.

Ask Dr. Snee: Contagious cancer can kill you

(Bonus: +4 xp for alliteration)

Sorry about the long sabbatical since my last house call. I’ve been on the road since May, following the Mamma Mia! tour across America.

Before you judge me (lest ye be judged for judging), I only watch Mamma Mia! because of the hot chicks in it, like Christine Baranski.

Also, I’ve found that any movie with an exclamation point in its title is guaranteed to be awesome:

  • Airplane!
  • Top Secret!
  • Yentil!

So, to clarify: unconditional love for anything Abba-related does not make me gay. My man-crush on Pierce Brosnan, however, does.

Anyway, on to your important medical quer — uh, questions.

Dear Dr. Snee,

I’ve heard you claim that cancer is contagious. Who told you that? They should be shot.

Self-righteously,

MoSane (a.k.a. ClippershipPat)

I agree completely: Continue reading Ask Dr. Snee: Contagious cancer can kill you

Smoking bars in Boston to eventually go up in smoke

Ten years from now, the world of Boston will be an entirely new place. Yes, annoying Red Sox fans (redundant?) will still live there, and you’ll be able to find plenty of weird Celtics’ fans, but what will you not be able to find? Those cigar and hookah bars that are the city is apparently riddled with, and thus need to be removed.

Yes, the Boston Public Health Commission has decided that they know what’s best for you. What’s bad for you? A smoking bar that can only affect you in a negative fashion if you willingly go into one.

Plus side: In place of the hookah and cigar bars that won’t be there anymore, you might have another Walmart or five built instead. Huzzah!

Con side: Every year from now, there will be an 8% decrease in the number of snotty hipster girls littering the city, and thus, less amount for you to hit on. Which we know you love to do.

US teens learn to lie during surveys

According to a survey conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, US teens are more likely to lie about having sex, doing drugs and smoking cigarettes than they were in the 1990s.

“About 48 percent of high school students were no longer virgins in 2007, down from 54 percent in 1991.

“Meanwhile, just 15 percent said they’d had four or more sexual partners, down from 19 percent in 1991.

“And 62 percent of sexually active students said they’d used a condom the last time they had sex, up from 46 percent in 1991.

“Some 35 percent of teens had at least one drink of alcohol in the month before they were surveyed in 2007, down from 42 percent in 1991.

“Marijuana used has fallen to 20 percent of students from a peak of 27 percent in 1999 while methamphetamine use is down to four percent of teens surveyed in 2007 from 10 percent in 2001.

“Nearly half as many students admitted to carrying some kind of weapon: 17 percent in 2007 compared with 33 percent in 1991.”

So, at least teens are smarter than their counterparts in the 1990s.

Australian babies succomb to beer pressure

No! We can't let this happen!In more Wacky Australian Booze News, one-third of surveyed Australian women tip a few back while pregnant. Not only are they drinking while incubating future felons, but 93% of that third said that “they knew alcohol could affect an unborn child.”

In response, Australian scientists plan to use these results for a public health campaign about the dangers of drinking with a minor onboard.

This blog cannot agree more: while we support boozing in general, we cannot deny the effects of alcohol on babies. It makes them cooler, appear more mature, more confident with the ladies and possibly super strong. Australians are already all of that. By nurturing these traits at a prenatal stage, the rest of the world will never be able to keep up.

Should the health campaign fail, The Guys see no other alternative than a preemptive strike. That’s right: free cigarettes for pregnant Aussies. The secondhand smoke should float down to their pouches.