Tag: smuggle

Nothing a little Chipotlaway won’t cure

A Bexar County, Texas,  jail guard was convicted of smuggling a saw blade to an inmate by hiding it in a taco. A surprise inspection of now-convicted double murderer Jacob Keller’s cell turned up a hacksaw blade, a rope, and a prison jumpsuit dyed to look like civilian clothes.

The guard, Alfred Casas, however maintains his innocence, and in his defense, Keller did not escape. So, how did the blade end up in a taco?

  • Fire sauce just doesn’t cut it, butt pain-wise, once you’ve had prison sex.
  • It could have been from Taco Bell, which are filled with 100 percent beef and 100 percent stainless steel saw blades.
  • Casas’ wife may have been trying to slowly kill him, but ran out of arsenic for that day’s lunch.
  • How else was Keller supposed to get the sapling he swallowed out?

Titis under man’s clothes in airport!

Reader, do you:

  • Hate animals?
  • Fear illegal Latino immigrants?
  • Find words that sound like “titties” hilarious and verrrrry arousing?

Then get the monitor swabs ready, because you’re about to shoot your SeriouslyLoad!

A man was arrested trying to smuggle 18 illegal Peruvian titi monkeys into the Mexico City Airport. Hm, a human smuggling contraband in his clothes in Mexico. We wonder where they were headed next. (By “wonder,” we mean “know exactly.”)

As fun as it is to snort coke off of titis, especially off those belonging to strippers, you are abetting a horrible trade and aiding the enemy in the War on Animals.