It’s an old gag, and as classic as the whoopee cushion: one person hands a friend a can of nuts of chips, and when the friend opens it, a spring-loaded snake jumps out. Most of us would just brush it off as lame, someone in China thought, “What if?”
Smuggling isn’t as cool as it once was. In the 1920s, smuggling in booze was a cool and respected job. Now, it doesn’t really matter. We can’t even feel cool smuggling in Cuban cigars anymore. (Thanks, Obama.)
But smuggling in drugs can be at least entertaining when they get busted. Earlier this week, U.S. Border Patrol agents discovered a ton of marijuana being smuggled from Mexico in a truck. The pot was being shipped in containers made to look like hundreds and hundreds of carrots. Nice try, drug smugglers, everyone knows Americans don’t eat carrots. Maybe you should make fake cheeseburgers.
When you get really hungry, there’s nothing like fast food. It’s universal. So when Palestinians get hungry after a long day’s work of throwing rocks at Israeli tanks, naturally, they get a hankerin’ for some downhome country cookin’. That’s why KFC is one of the more popular things to smuggle into the Gaza Strip.
Just call up al-Yamama (don’t laugh, we’re trying to be culturally-sensitive here), a fast-food smuggling service. The food starts frying at a KFC 35 miles away in Egypt, and in just three short hours, the food is delivered to your door by way of a tunnel system.
The Colonel has officially been drafted into a war he never asked for.
My parents recently got back from Europe, and when I went to visit them this past weekend, I was given oodles of strange and oddly worded candy-bars. This was a particular bit of joy for me because I find any bit of candy not found in the United States of America to be of high interest. I don’t think I’m the only person on this gigantic planet to have this specific character trait.
However, I don’t think it builds good relations to have Japanese people think that the American Snickers bar is nothing more than a chocolate-covered bar of meth.