Florida: you’re a weird state; but, out of weirdness comes awesome ideas. The Guys are ready to join your Python Patrol.
The Python Patrol has nothing to do with ex-living wrestler Jake the Snake Roberts (unless someone released his snake in Florida) and everything to do with hunting down and capturing large, dangerous fugitive snakes before they reach the Florida Keys.
Sign us the #### up. Seriously. We will put any children into boarding (since your state has some problems with keeping them unmurdered) and move right the #### down there. We don’t even need uniforms; just give us some really cool ball caps or badges or Jeff Corwin sticks.
It should be noted that the group does this to save Florida’s native endangered species from being devoured whole by pythons (which they do by unhinging their jaws! Awesome!), so we would technically be saving animals, which violates our pro-War on Animals stance …
You know what? Say what you will; once the pythons are gone, the manatees will start gaining numbers and destroying property, maybe even beating up bottlenose dolphins. And once we get rid of those ugly beasties, well, dolphins can be dicks. Point is, we’re ready to help you “control” your animals, Florida, one species at a time.