Eating these Snickers bars will really make you become Batman

My parents recently got back from Europe, and when I went to visit them this past weekend, I was given oodles of strange and oddly worded candy-bars. This was a particular bit of joy for me because I find any bit of candy not found in the United States of America to be of high interest. I don’t think I’m the only person on this gigantic planet to have this specific character trait.

However, I don’t think it builds good relations to have Japanese people think that the American Snickers bar is nothing more than a chocolate-covered bar of meth.

Customs agents at LAX apparently feel the same way.

Mr. T-bagged

Honestly, it took Snickers this long to have homosexual groups force them into pulling an advertisement? Quite frankly, we don’t get it. A commercial of Mr. T shooting chocolate bars filled with nuts at an effeminate looking speed walker? Not phallic or remotely gay in the least.

For further fun with this ad, and not to mention to add to the growing homophobia surrounding it. Check out this site running for the Mr. T commercials. We’d like to make a joke about the “Loud and Proud” section, or the fact that they could have incorporated everyone, and just had “The Gay-Team,” but we have more class than that.

Going to be a while? Mr. T pities tha fool!

Go to school, learn an illegal trade

After Friday’s highlights on the War on Animals, we switch focus to our other war, the War on Education.

Educators in Victorville, California have learned a hard lesson: when candy is criminalized, only criminals will have candy.

At the urging of Governor Arnold Schwartzenhophenhujablange … the Terminator, Hook Junior High School banned all candy sales to help cut down on childhood obesity.  Since then, a black market of students with Twinkies and Snickers bars has exploded.

Leave it to our educators to create a new generation of Al Capones.  If we needed more criminals, we could just send them to the movies or let them play video games all day.