Christmas fights back

So he said, “Let’s run and we’ll have some fun, now before I blow you away.”

It’s the War on Christmas season, as all good secular warriors know. Typically, the news of the war is all about the latest imagined assaults on the holiday that we start celebrating the day after Halloween, and how it’s going to ruin civilization as we know it. But now, Christmas is on the attack.

In Northern Ireland, Frosty the Snowman has had enough, and he’s fighting back with a rocket launcher. A man has been charged after painting a snowman holding a rocket launcher and the words “Wishing You An Explosive Christmas” on the window of an Irish Republican support group. It’s apparently against the law there to have a provocative painting.

If the Northern Ireland government scrapes Frosty down it is feared that sectarian violence will begin anew after two decades of peace.

The War on Secular Christmas begins!

Look at those smug, arrogant people. No longer fit to be happy with their rules and laws and codes and vision, they’ve decided to take out the Christ in Christmas and the fun in fundamentals and the pub in pubescent! Do you know what that leaves us? Masdamentalescent, a.k.a, the war on secular Christmas.

And of places, shots were fired first in California!

In Pleasanton, the owner of a tree lot has been in the same lot for a quarter of a century, and with him has been his long time friend, 30 foot tall Frosty the Snowman. Johnny Moore has finally moved his lot, and most importantly, 30 foot tall Frosty the Snowman, from his longtime location near the fairgrounds to just a few miles away. That’s apparently not sitting right with some grinches, I mean, city officials. They’ve decided to fine him per day since he’s breaking an ordinance.

Ordinances sure don’t sound holly or jolly and they definitely don’t give that wonderland feeling. People, get your sugar plums and candy canes armed and at the ready, it looks like we’ve got a battle on our hands.